My Munchkin is much better at connecting with the world around him now then he used to be. Nowadays he can let me know if he's hungry or thirsty. If he thinks I'm taking too long, he knows how to get certain snacks or drinks all by himself. And I have to admit, if he goes after those items, I am typically taking too long to respond to his needs. It doesn't happen often but it can happen when I'm mowing the lawn or cleaning. But at one point Munchkin couldn't do any of these things and it made for some real meltdowns. Especially if he was hungry and a meal was late. It wasn't the meal being late that was the problem, the problem was that he was hungry and didn't have a way to tell me.
One of the first things you discover when you give your child a way to communicate is that the need for rigid schedules starts to fade.
Now how to do this. Well, at first, I was dealing with the meltdowns that triggered because he was hungry, or thirsty, or both. A lot like a baby or young toddler, he would get upset. Unfortunately, the hunger or thirst wasn't usually enough to trigger a meltdown. So we'd end up with a scene that most parents are familiar with. A toy would break. Or something he wasn't supposed to play with would get taken away. Or maybe something would drop making a really loud sharp sound. And the meltdown would start. And once the meltdown started it wouldn't be enough to fix the toy or let him have the item that got taken. And the noise not happening again wouldn't have any effect.
Those "cures" didn't work because they were only addressing a small part of the actual issue. And my child did not have the tools to let me know what was actually wrong. This was when I learned that the "baby" checklist of things was going to always be a part of our life. I learned to check his diaper to see if it needed changing. Yes, he was in diapers until he was 7. Then I learned to check for easily visible hurts. To this day I still have to do this because he doesn't recognize pain the way most people do. Then I offer food and drink. Typically by this point, I've found and dealt with at least one of the core issues. That is good because it means that the level of the meltdown decreases.
Then I'd look to see if maybe the video he was watching had stopped. Or a toy was missing. Any number of things could be the problem and I learned to look for even the tiniest thing and fix it if possible.
Now that's during the meltdown. Afterwards I worked on ways that he could tell me what he needed so that there wasn't a pile up of issues. I found talking postcards that I mounted to the fridge with a picture of drinks and another of food. Whenever I gave him a drink, I would have him push the button and make it say "I want a drink, please". I did the same thing with the food picture and snacks. At that point in time the fridge had a safety lock because he would play in whatever he found in the fridge. So using the postcards was a way that he could let me know, and I could normally hear it if I was in the other room. Now it wasn't perfect by any means because I couldn't hear those cards if I was more than one room away. And Munchkin didn't have enough of a world connection yet to understand to bring me a card. But it was a start on the path. As years went on, and the playing in random food disappeared, he was allowed access to the fridge. Now he brings me the jug containing what he wants to drink and the cup. Then he puts the jug back in the fridge. Sometimes, when he's really processing well, he will set the cup down on the table and fill it himself.
I put a postcard on the TV unit that said "movie please" with a picture of the TV. I put one on the backdoor that said "outside please". For a few years those little talking postcards were all over my house in any place where there might be something that my child would want. And whenever possible I would use them to help him express his wants during normal times.
Over time I learned to keep drinks and snacks with us at all times. Mainly drinks because my Munchkin drinks a lot. And it's not soda, it's juice or ice tea. Then Munchkin got a portable DVD player to help him shut out sensory problems when in public. And I can honestly say that meltdowns nowadays are because he got in trouble for something, not because he's locked in sensory overload. And, well, those meltdowns are normal.
But I wanted to avoid the meltdowns so I also started being very observant of his body language whenever I could. Especially during calm times when he wanted something. I learned what signs he gave off that would let me know in advance that there was an issue building. And I would defuse it by reacting at that point. For example, if Munchkin wanted a new movie he would start pressing the buttons on the front of the TV. This would inevitably result in him turning the TV off and getting upset, although not always to meltdown level. So when I would see him start to press buttons, I would redirect him to press the postcard that asked for a movie. Then I would help him get a new movie and put it in. Over the years, he learned to pick out the movie himself and bring it to me. Nowadays he's experimenting with putting the movies in himself.
The point though is that Munchkin couldn't recognize the signs that he was getting upset or what to do about it. By my actions I let him learn to identify the emotion, then taught him how to deal with it. All without having to go into meltdown.
This is one of the gaps that exist for our children. Normal babies and toddlers jump this gap with ease and express their needs or wants. Our children need help bridging this gap. They need help making the connection to the world around them and how to express themselves in it. It can be time consuming and stressful to do this at first. But it is so worth the effort when you discover that youHr child has learned to express their need in a positive manner.
Honestly, no one ever told me that raising Munchkin would be easy. In truth, most folks told me it would be extremely hard. And there were quite a few folks who told me that he would become violent and dangerous which meant I would have to put him in a residential facility. So any way I can find that makes it easier for both of us is something I'm going to use. Anything we can use so that he can communicate I'm going to try and adapt as needed. Sometimes dealing with autism makes me think of Helen Keller and what it must have been like for her, and her helpers.
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