Defining Good

"Be good."  It's a statement that is heard in my family all of the time.  Each of us hears it from my parents depending on what we are up to.  I tend to hear it most when headed into social situations with folks who I'd prefer not to spend time with.  Each of us instinctively knows exactly what is being said by those two words.  The whole kit and caboodle of rules, dos, and do nots that are encompassed by those two words.  Even my nephews know the meaning of those two words within the scopes of their lives.

Munchkin doesn't.  He knows the phrase.  He knows that being good means that he doesn't get in trouble.  He knows that being good gets him rewards.  But he has problems understanding what "be good" means.  He doesn't get the broader rules that those two words encompass.  That would be because most children pick up those rules as they grow through toddler hood.    They learn what behaviors got rewards and which ones got punishments.  They learn that rewarded behaviors fall into the "be good" category and punished behaviors fall into the "be bad" category.  Eventually they learn why behaviors fall into those categories and learn to make their own judgements.

Munchkin was lost in his own world during his toddler years.  His mind was learning to deal with the sensory issues and the life stuff that surrounded him.  He didn't really learn good/bad in behaviors.  He just learned to do what he was told when he could break out of his world.

Now Munchkin spends most of his time as part of the real world and occasionally slips back into that world that his brain/body issues can trap him in.  This was already happening when he was in school.  And the side effect was that he would learn different behaviors from observing what his peers did.  He didn't understand good/bad, he just knew that they did it.  And sometimes he would try it.  Sometimes those behaviors hurt so he didn't do it again.  Sometimes those behaviors got him attention and he found the attention was worth more than the punishment or pain. 

Then we started homeschooling.  He got to see what Mommy did all day.  He got to spend a lot of time with typically developing kids.  He got to see real life, not the microcosm of his school classroom.

A lot of negative behaviors disappeared but not all of them.

And through this all, somehow I missed that he truly didn't understand the concept of being good beyond a very very small clue.  Then one day, he was looking me in the eye when I said "be good."  In that split second of time, I saw the confusion flash across his eyes and face.  And I stopped.  He had been "being bad" in the middle of a store.  I realized that somewhere, sometime he had not learned a connection.  So I stopped.  I took a deep breath.  And I started over.  I gave a very specific statement regarding his behavior at that moment.  And he obeyed, although with some reluctance.  :-)

When I got home I did some deep thinking and instituted a new way of doing things.  Before we left the house to do something, I would go over the simple, short list of "being good".  And I would then make sure that he connected "being good" with that list of behaviors.  I also did the same thing for behaviors around the house.  Running in the house was "being bad".  Walking in the house was "being good".  I made sure to make those connections for him.  After a few months of this I no longer had to list the behaviors.  He understands a basic list of "being good" behaviors.  He understands a basic list of "being bad".  That doesn't mean that he always listens, just that he knows.

Those lists are by no means exhausted.  He has become curious about the world around him.  He will imitate what he has seen other people do.  If the action makes people around him smile or laugh, I can guarantee he will do it again.  Sometimes, I have to tell him something is "bad" even if folks laugh.  Like a toddler, those things confuse him.  If he imitates something good, he finds himself getting extra smiles and hugs from Mom.  And occasionally a friend.  He loves that.

But he is my Munchkin and my Mischief.  Some days, when his senses are overloaded, I have to remember to be very calm and very specific.  On those days, knowing it and being able to do it are not in sync for him.  On other days, he will be just like any other child and decided that he doesn't care about "being good" for whatever reason.  But much more frequently, I just have to look at him and say "be good" when he's skirting the edge and he'll look at me, smile, and redirect himself. 

Every once in a while, I'll look at him and see him debating something.  And without me saying or doing a thing, he will stop himself.  In those moments, I see him learning the "why".  Right now it may just be that he knows that it will make Mommy upset.  Or, in some cases, he's come to understand that he might get hurt.  But it's the very beginning edge of learning to make his own judgements and decisions.  And I'm keeping an eye on it.  He's reaching that stage where I might be able to help him make those connections that he'll need to be more independent in a safe and responsible manner.

My Munchkin is growing up.

Definitely Mischief

Lest you think that my son accepted the wheelbarrow saga completely, let me tell you - he didn't.  He just waited until I was in another room and then helped himself to the dish soap which he proceeded to take outside.  He then covered himself and his table in dish soap and had a grand old time.

Dish soap is one of the good/bad conflicts that we have.  When he was much younger his therapists used dish soap and lotions to get him over one of his sensory issues.  He was allowed to play in it.  When he was a little older, they would occasionally allow it at school.  Later he was introduced to bubbles.  Well, he knew where bubbles came from, and he loves them. 

So it falls into the category of a behavior that I can't really discipline him for because for so many years so many people told him not only to do it, but they cheered him on!

And do I need to describe the results when they started teaching him life skills and how to wash a table.  He discovered really quickly how to wet a washcloth and just how many bubbles he could make.  Yet at school he was getting praise for wiping things down with cloths!  There was a failure to communicate the whys, wheres, hows and whens.

So my washcloths are still in hiding.  That may never change but we will see.

But back to dish soap.  Our compromise there has been that he doesn't get into trouble if he plays with the dish soap outside.  Although he is very aware that Mommy doesn't like it.  And for my half, I try to make sure not to leave the dish soap anywhere that he can find.  But when we've had a good long period, I forget.  And I had forgotten today.  So when I looked out the back door to see just what he was up to, I caught sight of the bottle of dish soap being poured out over his table.

Sigh.  I stepped out the door and told him to bring it to me.  Which he did, although slowly and reluctantly.  Because that is our other compromise.  When I catch him with it, he must immediately stop pouring it out and bring it back to me.

And as I turned to go rinse it off and put it up, I caught the sly mischief grin that graced my son's face and said it all.  "Got you back, ma!"

Wheelbarrows and Being Good

Munchkin is becoming more and more determined to be independent.  He comes by the desire honestly.  My family is full of strong independent thinkers and doers.  And it is providing so many incredibly opportunities for teaching him.

It's also providing some amazing arguments as I try to teach him that there are things he cannot do because of the dangers.  One of our longest running arguments this year has been clothing.   There was a short burst when summer began and he didn't want to wear shorts.  We compromised and peace was achieved.  There has been another burst as the cold weather hit.  I think, in the last few days, we've managed to reach another compromise.  He will wear shirts when asked and he gets to pick the shirt.  And he must wear fleece bottoms when he goes out back to play.  For his part, he gets to wear his fuzzy socks whenever he wants to, including when we go out.  He has realized that fuzzy socks and warm slippers are good things when outside in cool weather playing and sneakers are mandatory when we leave the house.

But he just has to try to get around the rules or compromises.  And sometimes it's really hard to be "mean" mom and not to burst out laughing at the same time.  But if I start laughing he will keep doing it.  Oh yes, my child has learned to use amusement, hugs, kisses, tickles and snuggles to try to get his way.  And I've had to learn to present a neutral or firm reaction no matter how amused I am.

Today we had an argument over the wheelbarrow.  He wanted it on the trampoline.  I didn't.  He thought that this was something he could get around.  He couldn't.  It's a risk to him, it's not happening.  So we ended up in the house on a time out, without his table, which triggered whole new levels of tantrum.  And yes, it was tantrum not meltdown.  After he took about an hour to realize that I wasn't going to change my mind, and no amount of antics was going to help him, he finally reached a stage where he would listen and respond.  Well, he would listen and respond after he truly realized that no amount of snuggling, kissing, tickling, etc. was going to manipulate Mommy.  The moment that he was truly ready to hear me was when he looked at me and said "I bad."  He didn't ask, he stated.  So I explained why for him.

(No lectures on the child being bad vs. the action being bad.  I know the difference.  I tell him the difference on a regular basis.  He does not have the language skills yet to state it any other way.)

The trick here for me is to put the rules, and explanations, in a really simple form that he can understand.  And "because I said so" does not work in any way, shape, or form anymore.  So in short brief sentences, I explained that the wheel barrow could tear the trampoline.  And if the trampoline tore he could be hurt when he fell through. Yes, I completely left out the information of the trampoline then being gone for good and he wouldn't have it.  That was too much for this session.

Then we hit the truly tricky part.  I told Munchkin that he needed to be good.  And I defined "good" as not putting the wheelbarrow on the trampoline.  I then told him that he could only go outside if he would be good.  And I asked him if he would be good.

Oh my ,the avoidance that came up then.  He wouldn't look me in the eyes.  He tried to cuddle more.  He tried kisses.  Each time I would stop him, make him look at me, and ask him again "Will you be good?".  Now realize that for him, right now, if he tells me he will be good he will try very hard to do so.  And he so didn't want to be good in this instance.  At one point he looked at me and said "no".  And I told him "then you can't go back outside" and walked away.  He promptly came and grabbed me and pulled me back.  After another few minutes of hemming and hawing, he said "yeah".  I promptly told him "okay you can go outside" and pointed to the back door.  It took him about a minute to decide that I really meant it and head out the back door.

I followed.  I know my son.  He was ecstatic that he had his table back.  And it took about 5 minutes for him to remember the wheelbarrow.  He came back to it slowly, pretending that he was just going in the house.  And he got slower and slower as he walked past it.  Then he stopped and a hand reached out.  And then Mommy's voice spoke his name and reminded him that he was being good.  He looked at Mommy, looked at the wheelbarrow and walked back to play in the treehouse without anymore prompting.  And Mommy moved the wheelbarrow to a spot where it's not hidden, but not readily visible, so that he will have to think about being bad in order to go get it.  So far, he is being good.

And then I came in and had a bittersweet moment.  Yes, this is something toddler's learn but he hadn't learned it at that age.  He's learning it now.  And my little boy is growing up just a little more.

Observing

I discovered something about Munchkin a few months ago.  He didn't have a vocabulary for the things he observes in the world around him.  Words like squishy, crinkly, hot, cold, soft, hard, shiny, etc. didn't have a mental connection with the real world physical examples of those things.

Now, this is not because folks haven't tried to teach him.  They have.  But over time, apparently, they gave up.  So it wasn't really part of his lessons.  I can't say that I didn't give up as well.  I didn't do it consciously but as he got bigger and outgrew toddler stuff, those things faded as well.  Mainly because it is something that typical kids learn as toddlers.  Now that I'm trying to do science with him, this lack was glaringly apparent.

When I was reviewing science curriculum, one of the authors had a section in her foreword that told parents not to expect too much from their toddler children.  Most of the experiments in the book were to teach them what they were observing so that they could use that knowledge as they got older.  Young kids don't have the skills to predict things that they have yet to observe in some way, shape or form.

So I paired that with the knowledge that Munchkin hadn't learned the vocabulary to describe his observations.  This year we are focusing on observing, and learning the words for what we observe.  Sometimes it's in the house, other times it's outside.  Sometimes it's the grocery store, other times it's the Botanical Gardens.  Sometimes it's a planned "experiment", other times it's whatever we find.

Science this year is to teach Munchkin to "listen and hear" what his different senses are telling his brain and what words to associate with those signals.  It's not easy.  And often we can only do one sense at a time.  For example, he can't "see" how shiny something is and "feel" how hard it is.  The switch between inputs to focus on is too distracting for him.  So I pick one or the other to focus on at the time.  If we are feeling things, then we focus on feeling things.  If we are seeing things, then we focus on seeing things.  Same for smell and taste.

I'll be honest.  I'm frequently not sure if he makes the connection because he is nonverbal.  While we have his communicator with us, right now it adds a level of difficulty that breaks his focus.  I do know that on good days, we can review whatever we have been doing and he will get things right about 80% of the time.  On a bad day, he's too overload to review anything.  And while he loves viewing the videos of himself doing different things, he doesn't show any signs of making those connections when viewing the video.  That may be because of the pure distraction of watching himself on video.

What I do know, thanks to other events, is that he is indeed learning to observe the world around him.  Or perhaps I should say, the people around him.

We will keep working on it.  With all the other things he's shown, I'm sure the knowledge is getting in there.  One day, when I least expect it, he will prove it to me.

Incidental Learning

Munchkin has been doing a lot of incidental learning the last few months.  Or I should probably say years.  But it's really showing the last few months.

One of the big things he's discovered is how others feel, and the desire to do something about it.  For him that is a massive step.  The example I'll use is the one that made me "open my eyes" to what was happening.

I was having a rough day because I had a headache.  Munchkin wanted to pounce me and had followed me to the kitchen to do so.  I stopped him by putting my hand out and saying "No.  I have a headache."  I've taken to adding explanations to my statements because I realized that Munchkin understood some of them.  What he did next truly stunned me.  He promptly turned around and went throughout the house turning off all the lights.  Every. Single. Light.  Then he came and gave me a hug and went back to the living room to watch his movie.

Now, the lights weren't the headache trigger for me.  But they are a headache trigger for him.  And if you have a child with autism you know what big leaps he showed in those actions.  And  I talked with him a little bit later about what he could do to help mommy with her headache.  I supposed that I really shouldn't be amazed that he heard (and processed) what I said and tried to do it.  But I am.  He tried to be quiet for the rest of the night.  And when he'd get noisy, he'd stop himself after a few minutes, look at me and say "quiet" in his quiet voice and go back to being quiet.  He got so many extra hugs for the trying.

I don't know how often that knowledge will connect for him but so far it's connected rather frequently.  He has tried to help calm a crying baby that he knows.  He has given hugs when someone seems upset.  He is making connections to those around him.  And even more importantly, he is coming to comprehend that others feel differently than he does.

Now that was incidental learning that I had very little to do with.  Munchkin learned that all on his own.  But recently we had a situation which is helping me to teach him about the weather.  And teach him in a manner that he truly understands what he is learning.

One day he was upset and crying in his room on the floor.  Not a tantrum or a meltdown, just an I'm upset/hurt type of crying.  Since he had done this the day before as well, and I hadn't been able to figure out the cause, I stopped what I was doing immediately and just went and sat down in his room.  I waited for him to acknowledge that I was there and give me signs that he wanted to communicate.  When he did I asked him a few yes/no questions. 

It really helps that yes/no are pretty solid (in one form or another) nowadays.  When he is upset he will use the words.  Within a few minutes I had discovered that he wanted to go outside to play and thought he couldn't.  He hadn't been able to play outside when he wanted over the last few days because the weather had either been too cold or rainy.  He really wanted to play outside.  Playing outside is his way of burning off excess energy and frustration.  Anyways, I told him that he could go outside and got the "really" look.  So I took the time to explain "weather" to him. 

I explain "weather" regularly if I tell him he can't go outside  But apparently this was just the perfect situation for it to truly sink in and for him to be interested in learning more.  So we went outside and I explained more.  I kept it toddler simple for now and he seemed to really be hearing what I was saying and processing it.  So, since the door is open, I will keep reviewing the basics whenever we go outside.  And when he's gotten a good grasp on that, I'll see about adding in lessons on the appropriate clothes for different types of weather.

I think that the science lessons on observing things are helping in both these things.  While I've been focusing on teaching him to pay attention to how things feel/taste/smell/look, he's been using that for more than his lessons.  Which I find interesting because I wasn't sure that he was getting much out of those lessons.  Apparently he is, he just isn't showing it in the lessons.  I really don't know why that surprises me anymore.

Well I'm off to see what other things he can learn while not letting me know that he's learning them.  It will be interesting to see what happens in the future.

Road Bump Amended

Just a quick note.  We are adding/changing one thing in regards to listening to words for the starting sound.  For the first week that we add each new sound I will find words that are identical phonetically except for the first sound.  Hopefully this will help focus Munchkin's attention on exactly what he is supposed to be listening for. 

This actually is not as easy to do as it sounds because I'm not used to creating words lists, but with help and the internet we got 30 words for the first set.  Well actually 60 words, 30 word sets.  And now I've got a few word list sites bookmarked to make it easier in the future.

So in addition to his basic phonics work learning new letters, each day he'll have a few sessions that teach him to listen for the individual sounds and sort them out.  One section will have him matching pictures to the letters.  The other section will have him matching the first letters to the words.  And we will still work on pointing out the letters, and sounding them out, when we find them in public places.  This is one of the exercises we do when we are in stores.  It's harder for him than most people realize because he is having to focus to find that one letter in the midst of all the other stimuli at the store and on the packages.

And we all got a laugh the other day when he looked at me and said "Say Mmm".  That was purely Munchkin sass.  When we are working on saying letters I don't preface it by using the word "say" since I was warned against that by a speech therapist years ago.  Not that I'm perfect, because I'm not.  But the grin and tone of his voice were pure sass.  And I still cheered.  He had said "mmm" independently and without prompting.  :-)

Road Bump

Munchkin has been doing fabulous in his phonics studies and decent in math.  The video segments have definitely helped him.  The most surprising area in which they have helped is handwriting.  For whatever reason, seeing someone write the letters in a video gets through better than watching me write the letters.  He is getting much better at the fine motor skills that he needs for handwriting.

We are finally through enough of the beginning phonics letters that I started a new type of phonics exercise.  Munchkin must sort a set of pictures based on the first sound of the word.  I say the word and then he has to put the card with the correct letter.  Then a following exercise has him give me the letter that he hears at the beginning of the word that I say. 

Well, we've hit a road bump.  From Munchkin's reaction it appears that he has not done this type of activity in the past - at all.  Most of the exercises I do with him, he has done at some point in the past in some way, so there isn't a lot of confusion over instructions.  He was extremely confused over the instructions for these exercises.  I spent a few days reviewing the activity with him and "practicing" the first couple of words.  We are getting over that road bump because he really does pick up on instructions quickly.  Especially when explained clearly and calmly.  And because he really wants to learn.  He has come to love it when he does something correctly, by himself, and gets praise for it.  His confidence has definitely grown over the last year or so. 

My frustration is that this is a big connection for him not to have made in the past.  It will teach him how to "build" spoken words as well as how to read.  And he is really wanting to talk.  He tries more and more.  So hopefully as he learns this he will be able to piece things together for speaking.

But we've hit a bigger road bump at the moment.  Munchkin can only listen to, and filter the sounds, for 2 or 3 words before his brain seems to find the task too difficult.  Then he gets very frustrated and falls back on the "look for other clues" behavior.  The only problem, for him, is that there are no longer any other clues.  Not even the body language cues he used to try to use.  So he gets really frustrated and upset because he hears "no, try again" much more frequently than he likes.

So the challenge, for me, was to create a way that we could continue to work on this problem without providing Munchkin with a way to cheat while keeping his frustration level low so that he doesn't "shut down".  After discussing this with several folks, including one who specializes in early education, I have a plan. 

Step one is that rather than doing ten words in one session, I will break it down into three sessions doing three words each.  When that becomes easier for him to handle, I will do more words and fewer sessions until we work our way back to one session.  And once we are back to one session, we will work on more words per session.

Step two is to find a lot of pictures.  A whole lot of pictures.  The reason for this is that over time my son is capable of memorizing which pictures go into which piles and vice versa.  That would result in him blocking the purpose for the exercise, which is to learn to listen to the verbal words and filter the sounds.  So I started with one letter and made lots of little 1" x 1" pictures of real life objects.  In total, it's about 10 or so words for each letter but there are 5 or more pictures for each word.  These will be used for one worksheet exercise where he creates a wheel with the words for each letter.  So he'll do a wheel for each letter every day, hence the need for so many pictures.  The second reason for so many pictures is to do the same thing with flash cards.  In this way, he shouldn't see the same image more than once in the course of a weeks lessons.  He will be forced to focus on the sound that goes with the image.

One of the side effects of so many images is that he will learn to associate multiple images to a word, rather than just one image.  And all the images I'm using are real life images, so they are things that he will see when we are out and about.  This should help him to start making even more connections between his lessons and the world around him.

Now I would love to share the picture collections with you but I don't have that right.  I can suggest that you spend the time doing this if you are dealing with this situation.  For me it has been the work of quite a few hours but I find it worth the effort.  For a teacher, these collections would only have to be built once to last quite a few years.

And on to the last step, which is to make a collection of words that I can say to him that do not have the other letters we are working on in them.  Since he is having issues filtering the sounds, for right now we want to make it as easy as possible for him to filter the correct sound.  When he's back to a once a day session, we'll see about making it a bit harder by first making him listen for the last sound and then, later, using words that have multiple sounds.  It's going to be tricky for a bit but I'm sure that the group of us will manage to find enough single syllable words to keep it going while he works through this problem.

Honestly though, compared to some of the past issues we've dealt with, this one should be just a mild bump in the road.   Especially since Munchkin really, really wants to hear "Good Job" and the happiness in my voice when I say it.  I really don't know when that became a major motivator for him, but it has.  And, truly, his confidence in his own abilities has grown by leaps and bounds.

Video Phonics II

Just a quick update.  Munchkin is still loving the videos.  He gets very focused on them while they are on and they are making it easier for him to grasp the concepts.  We are working on "m" right now.  He's only verbalized the sound three times but he's doing well with the rest of it.  That he's verbalizing at all is a success in my book but I've got adaptive tools at hand for when it becomes a problem for him. But I really, really try to get him to verbalize the sound as much as possible when the videos are running.  That's when we've had the most success.  Most likely because he thinks it's a game.

At first he was really confused because the HaveFunTeaching video uses the same music for each letter.  Then he realized that he really had to listen!  And that video brought that point home for him.  It's been interesting to see that knowledge appear in his eyes and see the changes in his behavior.  Something clicked for him.  Despite years of people making the sounds for him and trying to get him to make them, the videos seem to be getting through.  And this video in particular seems to have helped him realize that he needs to process and pay attention to the "noise" that is coming in his ears.

I'm also using videos for numbers and handwriting that are working well.  He's especially fond of the handwriting videos and they seem to be breaking his resistance to handwriting.  I'll share more on both of those topics another time.

All in all, things are going good.  Munchkin really looks forward to lessons if just for the video section. 

Meltdowns III

Again, this is a situation that occurred with my Munchkin.  But it highlights that some meltdown triggers can be long term issues and new ones can come out of nowhere.

Munchkin was generally a peaceful child at school.  Then he started having more meltdowns at school and at home.  And he was getting back into needing a rigid unchanging schedule.  On the weekends, if we were busy, Munchkin would be prone to misbehaving on a grander scale then normal with the occasional meltdown thrown in for spice.  Despite multiple talks with his teacher, we just couldn't see where things had changed to trigger this.

Then one of his aides discovered that he was getting headaches.  She was seeing all the signs of this.  So I started giving him OTC medicine for the headaches when I saw the signs of them.  And the signs were pretty distinctive if you were aware of the problem.  But it's not in my nature to medicate continually so I started looking for the causes of the headaches.

It didn't take us long to figure out that untreated the headaches got worse throughout the week.  Even with medications, sometimes they just got worse.  That, of course, lead to the realization of why changes in our weekends were a problem.  Munchkin spent the weekends getting rid of the headaches.  Any changes in our normally lazy weekends meant that the headaches didn't fade quite as much.  Now imagine that compounding over several weeks and you understand why his meltdowns increased.

But again, while that helped in treating the headaches, it didn't tell us what was triggering the headaches.  So of to the neurologist we went, after his family doctor maxed her knowledge.  The neurologist checked for multiple things, including epilepsy.  And after going through Munchkin's medical history, and our family medical history, and a whole stack of medical questions we finally started figuring out what the base issue was.  And what could be done about it.

The base issue is the teenager hormone changes.  Yup, nothing that we could alter in any way and no solid way of predicting which days were going to be worse than others.  He does have a mild indicator on some days but nothing that we can use solidly.  On some days he will run a continual low grade fever that is not connected to any illness.  It took multiple visits to his regular doctor with testing to finally figure that out.  And on a few rare days that temperature will be more than low grade.

But regardless of all of that, it basically meant that we were only going to be able to treat the headaches by prevention or medication.  All of that research with the neurologist, and all the information that I had been tracking on his headaches and behaviors, quickly narrowed down the triggers.  Especially since all of the simpler headache triggers had already been eliminated in our lives. 

It turns out that we already knew one solidly, and had adapted for it because it is one of his sensory overload issues.  That one was loud noise.  It was already in his IEP that he couldn't attend pep rallies or large meetings because of this.  And at home we kept noise canceling headsets with us when we went out so that he could put one on when he couldn't handle the noise level.  But this explained why there were days that he went around with the headset on, even when it was quiet.  Basically, the headaches had reached a level where any noise was painful.  You and I would take a nap at that point, but Munchkin doesn't have a nap ability unless he's extremely ill.  That's just the way he is.

The second issue was new but also one we had already dealt with to a degree at home.  Munchkin is sensitive to strong scents.  We didn't know more than that at the beginning.  And the reason we hadn't tripped across it before, at home, was because I have a bad reaction to chemical scents and strong scents.  So to keep me from having headaches those were not present in our home.  Unfortunately, Munchkin was being exposed to strong scents at school. 

The third issue was new to us completely.  Munchkin is sensitive to fluorescent lighting.  Apparently very sensitive.  This is actually something that is in the family but I didn't know about it until we went digging.  I have family members who are so sensitive to fluorescent lights that they bring lamps in to their offices and don't use the overhead lighting.  This was made very clear when the neurologist observed Munchkin turning off all the fluorescent lights but leaving on the small incandescent lamp.  I had noticed the habit of shutting off all lights before but had just generalized bright lights.  It didn't take me long to confirm the neurologist's findings.  We are still changing out fluorescent bulbs in the house for incandescent bulbs but it was done immediately in the rooms that Munchkin spends the most time in.  Unfortunately, that is not an option at school.

Now, I was given an option to medicate Munchkin in a manner that would possibly help with the headaches.  And have the side effect of sedating him to a large degree.  The medications were blood pressure medicines for adults.  So I went researching.  And in the end, I chose to not medicate and to home school.  Those decisions were based on Munchkin's medical history and the additional side effects that would have been dangerous to his health from those medications.  You might have chosen otherwise.

But back to meltdowns, in figuring out the cause and the triggers we were finally able to deal with the meltdowns.  In our case, if there are signs of pain from one of the triggers we take immediate steps to remove the trigger and relieve the pain.   You can do this with or without medications but it can't be done until you know the triggers.  While Munchkin is still going through the hormone shifts, and probably will for another 5 years or so, the meltdowns due to those triggers have decreased amazingly.  And Munchkin is now able to provide better hints that he is starting to react to a trigger, although I still long for the day that he can just tell me that he has a headache.  It's harder to work on the communication for that when the headaches are so few and far between now. 

After 1 1/2 years of dealing with this at the trigger level, Munchkin can now tolerate periods of exposure to his triggers without big problems.  So now we can get more errands done in a day.  Going into multiple stores with fluorescent lights is okay when the exposure is only a day or two here and there.  Walking by displays of strongly scent items, or stores filled with them, is okay for him if not for me.  Again, as long as it's not a regular thing.  And that's another thing to realize, even when you know the triggers and start to relieve them, the improvement is not immediate.  It took over six months before headaches were no longer so easily triggered in Munchkin.  For six months I couldn't go to more than two stores for more than a half hour each, regardless of the break in between stores.  Munchkin's sensitivity was that high because of the level of exposure before we realized the problems.  And one of our surest signs that he's dealing with a headache is still that he turns off every fluorescent light that he can find a switch for.

So, please, don't jump to the assumption that meltdowns can't be dealt with.  Just keep looking.  And don't ignore even the smallest clue.  Finding triggers like the ones here takes time and a lot of observation.  Taking notes helps a lot because then you aren't likely to forget something.  And sometimes one issue can seem like another.  Some of the reactions that Munchkin had with the headaches looked an awful lot like petite mal seizures.  But they weren't.  So keep looking.  Ask others to look when you feel you aren't seeing something.  It took the school aide noticing the symptoms for me to recognize them for what they were!  And I'm so incredibly grateful that she noticed.  I don't want to imagine how much worse those headaches could have gotten before we would have finally discovered them.

Meltdowns II

My Munchkin is much better at connecting with the world around him now then he used to be.  Nowadays he can let me know if he's hungry or thirsty.  If he thinks I'm taking too long, he knows how to get certain snacks or drinks all by himself.  And I have to admit, if he goes after those items, I am typically taking too long to respond to his needs.  It doesn't happen often but it can happen when I'm mowing the lawn or cleaning.  But at one point Munchkin couldn't do any of these things and it made for some real meltdowns.  Especially if he was hungry and a meal was late.  It wasn't the meal being late that was the problem, the problem was that he was hungry and didn't have a way to tell me.

One of the first things you discover when you give your child a way to communicate is that the need for rigid schedules starts to fade.

Now how to do this.  Well, at first, I was dealing with the meltdowns that triggered because he was hungry, or thirsty, or both.  A lot like a baby or young toddler, he would get upset.  Unfortunately, the hunger or thirst wasn't usually enough to trigger a meltdown.  So we'd end up with a scene that most parents are familiar with.  A toy would break.  Or something he wasn't supposed to play with would get taken away.  Or maybe something would drop making a really loud sharp sound.  And the meltdown would start.  And once the meltdown started it wouldn't be enough to fix the toy or let him have the item that got taken.  And the noise not happening again wouldn't have any effect.

Those "cures" didn't work because they were only addressing a small part of the actual issue.  And my child did not have the tools to let me know what was actually wrong.  This was when I learned that the "baby" checklist of things was going to always be a part of our life.  I learned to check his diaper to see if it needed changing.  Yes, he was in diapers until he was 7.  Then I learned to check for easily visible hurts.  To this day I still have to do this because he doesn't recognize pain the way most people do.  Then I offer food and drink.  Typically by this point, I've found and dealt with at least one of the core issues.  That is good because it means that the level of the meltdown decreases.

Then I'd look to see if maybe the video he was watching had stopped.  Or a toy was missing.  Any number of things could be the problem and I learned to look for even the tiniest thing and fix it if possible.

Now that's during the meltdown.  Afterwards I worked on ways that he could tell me what he needed so that there wasn't a pile up of issues.  I found talking postcards that I mounted to the fridge with a picture of drinks and another of food.  Whenever I gave him a drink, I would have him push the button and make it say "I want a drink, please".  I did the same thing with the food picture and snacks.  At that point in time the fridge had a safety lock because he would play in whatever he found in the fridge.  So using the postcards was a way that he could let me know, and I could normally hear it if I was in the other room.  Now it wasn't perfect by any means because I couldn't hear those cards if I was more than one room away.  And Munchkin didn't have enough of a world connection yet to understand to bring me a card.  But it was a start on the path.  As years went on, and the playing in random food disappeared, he was allowed access to the fridge.  Now he brings me the jug containing what he wants to drink and the cup.  Then he puts the jug back in the fridge.  Sometimes, when he's really processing well, he will set the cup down on the table and fill it himself.

I put a postcard on the TV unit that said "movie please" with a picture of the TV.  I put one on the backdoor that said "outside please".  For a few years those little talking postcards were all over my house in any place where there might be something that my child would want.  And whenever possible I would use them to help him express his wants during normal times.

Over time I learned to keep drinks and snacks with us at all times.  Mainly drinks because my Munchkin drinks a lot.  And it's not soda, it's juice or ice tea.  Then Munchkin got a portable DVD player to help him shut out sensory problems when in public.  And I can honestly say that meltdowns nowadays are because he got in trouble for something, not because he's locked in sensory overload.  And, well, those meltdowns are normal.


But I wanted to avoid the meltdowns so I also started being very observant of his body language whenever I could.  Especially during calm times when he wanted something.  I learned what signs he gave off that would let me know in advance that there was an issue building.  And I would defuse it by reacting at that point.  For example, if Munchkin wanted a new movie he would start pressing the buttons on the front of the TV.  This would inevitably result in him turning the TV off and getting upset, although not always to meltdown level.  So when I would see him start to press buttons, I would redirect him to press the postcard that asked for a movie.  Then I would help him get a new movie and put it in.  Over the years, he learned to pick out the movie himself and bring it to me.  Nowadays he's experimenting with putting the movies in himself.

The point though is that Munchkin couldn't recognize the signs that he was getting upset or what to do about it.  By my actions I let him learn to identify the emotion, then taught him how to deal with it.  All without having to go into meltdown.

This is one of the gaps that exist for our children.  Normal babies and toddlers jump this gap with ease and express their needs or wants.  Our children need help bridging this gap.  They need help making the connection to the world around them and how to express themselves in it.  It can be time consuming and stressful to do this at first.  But it is so worth the effort when you discover that youHr child has learned to express their need in a positive manner. 

Honestly, no one ever told me that raising Munchkin would be easy.  In truth, most folks told me it would be extremely hard.  And there were quite a few folks who told me that he would become violent and dangerous which meant I would have to put him in a residential facility.  So any way I can find that makes it easier for both of us is something I'm going to use.  Anything we can use so that he can communicate I'm going to try and adapt as needed.  Sometimes dealing with autism makes me think of Helen Keller and what it must have been like for her, and her helpers.

Meltdowns I

Meltdowns are few and far between in our house now.  This post is actually in response to someone requesting help with a child having regular severe meltdowns.  I thought it would be good to share the information.  I doubt I'll get to everything in one post.  And if you have thoughts to share, please do.

First off let me explain meltdowns.  Most parents have seen their toddler have a meltdown.  Typically you can quickly shift your child's attention and pull them out of it and move on with your day.  That is not a typical autism meltdown.  First off, autism meltdowns can build up for hours or days before they blow.  Second, autism meltdowns can have physical, mental, or emotional triggers that take lots of time to recognize.  Third, the triggers do not necessarily occur immediately at the start of the meltdown.  Fourth, once the meltdown starts it is normally very, very difficult to stop until it burns itself out and redirection can be problematic.

Sounds like fun doesn't it?

By the way, before I get into the rest of this let me share one tip.  If your child goes into meltdown in public, stop and help your child.  View it the same way as you would a severe body injury.  What other people think doesn't matter.  What you were doing doesn't matter.  What needs to be done to heal your child is what matters.  If you have to leave - drop everything, grab your purse/wallet, and walk out with your child.  For your child, whatever is triggering the meltdown is the equivalent of a severe body injury.  It's just unseen and occurring in their nervous system or brain.  If you need a point of view, imagine you suddenly got struck with a migraine that made your entire head scream in pain and blinded you.  What would you want someone with you to do?  I can guarantee you wouldn't want them telling you to shut up or wasting time explaining to strangers what was going on.

Now if you're a parent dealing with this on a regular basis, you may or may not have discovered a lot of these things for yourself.  My first point of advice for parents dealing with this is to view their child as someone who is extremely stressed out.  I tell them to look for things that stress the child and work on eliminating them.  I also tell them to look for things that calm the child and start using them before the meltdown. 

Okay so you are going to do this, but for right now you still have meltdowns to deal with.  First, when a meltdown occurs, clear the room.  Everyone leaves except for the parent who is dealing with it.  That right there will eliminate a whole level of continuing meltdown triggers.  Note - do not move the child having the meltdown if it is at all possible.  Move the other children/people.  If you must move the child, try to move them as little as possible to get them to a safe zone.  Otherwise create the safe zone where the child is.  After people are gone, move easily shifted furniture and other objects out of reach.

Okay, now you've just kicked the entire family out of the living room and handed off a whole bunch of stuff to your SO or another child through the door.  (or preferably they took it automatically)  While you are doing this your SO is quietly trying to determine what happened if neither of you saw it.  If you don't have an SO, then teach your other children to quietly, calmly, with NO upset tell you what happened from the doorway.   You can listen but your focus, at that moment, needs to be on the child who is melting down.  And you need to be the picture of calm.  Yup, I know, it's nowhere near as easy to do as say.  I mentally have a box that everything else gets shoved in for this length of time.  If it's not life threatening, it's in the box.  Nobody ever said life was fair.  And imagine how boring it would be if it was.  And I know, if you are a single mom with just your one child, that safe zone isn't very big because you've got to focus on the child, not the objects.  My house is permanently kid proofed up to 7 feet because of this. 

So your child is screaming, hitting, banging, shrieking and you have boxed everything mentally.  And you had all of 2 seconds, maybe to do that.  When my child was younger I was taught safe holds to use so that he could vent yet not hurt himself or me.  The one I used most commonly was a variant of a bear hug from behind.  (watch for the head).  These are things that you need to get a professional to show you if you are going to use them.  I'm not going to do it here.  You can also just let them blow it out until they calm.  I've done that as well.  Your call. 

Whatever you do, you need to start watching and trying to figure out what the triggers were and how to defuse them.  At this point, unless your child is being very specific, go down that checklist you learned when they were a baby.  Are they hungry?  Are they thirsty?  Are they dirty?  Are they hurt?  You know the one.  Each mom/dad has variants for their kids.  Eliminate each item, not by asking, but by offering.  I have spill proof sports cups for drinks and snack size bags of treats.  If they get tossed it's no biggy.  But if that's part of the problem, then it's eliminated and the meltdown comes down a level.  Is there a favorite shirt?  or a blanket they can burrow under?  At this point you are focused on calming.  And realize that even when they get to a calm level, you may trigger a new outburst very, very easily.  Try very hard to eliminate every single little thing that could be wrong within reason.  Once you've done this, try to move the child to their safe place.  Don't push, don't force - offer and make sure everyone else is out of the path.  For the next while you are treading on thin ice so move carefully and slowly.

And actually, even if your child is being very specific, go down the checklist.  Your child may recognize the final trigger but still not realize what built up to that being such a trigger.  A lot of time they end up confused as to why it was a trigger if it's not a normal one for them.

Now, it sounds like I'm telling you to let your child rule your life.  And for a short period, you would be right.  How long your child needs the delicate treatment depends on your child.  When I first started out with Munchkin it could be days depending on the level of meltdown.  Nowadays, I'm surprised if it's hours.  Normally we can get past something as soon as the triggers are settled, although I'll avoid overt stressors if it was particularly bad.  Actually, nowadays, I normally catch on to the triggers before they pile up enough to trigger a meltdown and use calming measures quickly.  It makes life much easier on both of us.  And other, broader life changes have brought his base stress level down a lot, as well as mine.

Now if you've been doing all the above and it's not working, well without professional help all that's left is the next part.  This part everyone should do, not just those who aren't getting the above to work.  Because we don't want to spend great chunks of our lives treading on thin ice.  That's just no fun.  And it can get dangerous as they get bigger and older.  It may be something you can handle at 3 years old, it's not something you can handle at 13 or 16 or 18.

The meltdown is past, one way or another, and you are now going to do the follow up work.  First, what was the apparent trigger?  Second, what were other things occurring at the same time that could have made it worse (loud music, screeching, arguments, etc)?  Third, what things on the checklist helped to calm the child down, and how much?  Fourth, what things from the above lists did the child try to signify were an issue?  In any way!

Going to the first item - the apparent trigger.  Is this something that has triggered meltdowns in the past or was this the first time?  Is it something that would be an irritant typically?  For example, the trigger was you telling your child "no" when he reached for something of yours.  Does your child typically go into meltdown when told no?  Have you been dealing with the child wanting this item for a while?  Is the child normally allowed to have the item and this was an exception?  You have to think of all of these variables and more.  And then answer them.

Going to the second item - surrounding environment.  Was the TV on loud?  Was it on a show the child can't stand?  What about the radio?  Were your other kids fighting with each other?  Or with that particular child?  Think back on what the area was like and then think about your worst most horrible day when you couldn't tolerate anything and put the two together.  Then list anything that would have set you off.  And list anything that would have calmed you.  Then consider how to reduce the irritants on a permanent basis.  And increase the calming items.  And yes this is something typical parents do.  My folks had volume limit controls on the TV and radio, even in our bedrooms.  And on how loud we were allowed to be in the house, argument or not.  There were time periods that we were not supposed to be in certain areas.  These seem so small but they can actually make big changes for everyone, not just the child with autism.  Not all irritants can be eliminated or reduced, but the more that you can get rid of the easier it becomes for everyone.

Now the third item - the check list.  That's a no brainer folks.  If something on that list calmed them, make sure it's easily on hand for next time.  And the more positive effect it had, well then the more easily accessible and ready that item should be.  But be aware that over time the things that work will change.  Especially if you start changing things in their environment.  Regardless of change though, I always fall back on that checklist if other measures don't work.

And lastly, number four - what did your child try to do to warn you?  Did they plug their ears?  Did they bring you an empty cup?  Did they try to drink your drink (or someone else's)?  Did they try to take a snack?  Do they have a stim behavior that they started doing?  Anything?  These are the behaviors that you want to start keeping an eagle eye out for.  By identifying these items, and responding to them, you will start to eliminate the meltdowns.  If they are plugging their ears, make sure the volume levels are reasonable.  If the volume is good, offer to go do something with them somewhere that is quieter.  If they are thirsty or hungry, give them something.  It doesn't matter if there is going to be a meal in 10 minutes.  They don't have the mental tools to get to that point.  Keep small portions of items on hand to settle the appetite and hold them over while explaining that there will be more in X number of minutes.  Use a visible timer.  Eventually they will learn and be able to wait.  Remember, to your child this is an immediate emergency.  Learning that it is not takes time.  And they don't learn it as quickly as typical children.

As far as stim behaviors, that is going to depend on you.  If my child is stimming, I automatically go down the checklist and start doing things to eliminate those items.  Then I check on the rest.  Sometimes stimming is triggered by the environment, sometimes by something internal.  In our experience, as long as I stay on top of the environment stuff, stimming tends to reduce and doesn't lead to meltdowns.  There have been exceptions, such as when he was developing an ulcer.  So keep your eyes open.  But stimming is their way of dealing with an overload, so it's a good warning sign that's something is wrong.  And if your child continually stims, well it won't hurt anything to try to eliminate environmental issues so that they may not need to continually stim.

Over time, as you guide your child into avoiding triggers and removing themselves from situations, they will learn to do it for themselves.  If an environment is too loud for my son now, he will get his noise canceling headset and put it on.  That's a heads up for me and I keep an eye out to make sure that it's under control.  If lights are bothering him, he will shut them off or burrow under a blanket or make a fort.  If he can't do that, he will let me know to move quickly through a store.  By learning the triggers and helping your child deal with them, you are also teaching them how to do it on their own.  And they are most definitely motivated to learn this.

Now, a point to make - while I have a child with autism and I've used all these methods over the years, I'm not a professional.  If your child's doctor tells you to do something differently, do so.  If you choose not to then that is your choice and decision.  I have chosen not to medicate my child if I can avoid it.  That is my choice and decision.  That may not be yours.  I'm not in your shoes so I'm not judging.  All of our children are different.

And there's more on meltdowns.  I'll try to do some posts using Munchkin's issues as examples so that you can have ideas of what to look at.  And hopefully others will share their experiences as well.

Oh, and by the way, now that it's over and your Munchkin is, hopefully, in bed asleep, you can open that box and climb in a hot bath before you get back to the rest of life.  Well, maybe keep the box closed, until after the bath.  ;-)

Using Video Effectively For Phonics

Munchkin loves Phonics videos.  He loves any videos.  And he will sit and watch the phonics videos we have with pure enjoyment.  But it wasn't crossing over to lessons.  There was just too much going on and too much time watching for him to narrow his focus back to one letter and remember that segment of video.  So this year I'm trying something different.  I took the 4 phonics videos we have and found more on youtube by HaveFunTeaching and I edited them down.  Well, I didn't have to edit the ones from youtube because they are single letter videos.

Now Munchkin watches about 15 minutes of bouncy happy video that is about just the letter we are working on at the time.  We start with some video, then break for desk work, then watch a bit more, and then do the Starfall segment for that letter.  During the videos I prompt him to make the sounds.  For letter B, over the past two weeks, this has lead to a verbal explosion.  I can now point to the letter B, upper or lower, and ask him what it is and he will tell me "buh".  Every once in a while, he will say "be" but since we are working on phonics I'm more than thrilled with "buh".

Today we did this while walking through a store.  He would laugh and say it, then give me a bump.  He was finding it to be an absolute blast!  Then we got home and twice he started chanting "b, b, b, b," in the rhythm from the videos.  Two times, two different videos!

Another bonus is that starting with a segment of video puts him in a good mood for doing the deskwork, even when he doesn't want to.  And the knowledge that there is another segment of video waiting motivates him to focus and do the work.  As for Starfall, well that doesn't need any motivation or bribing.  He would happily play on Starfall all day long.

I think the best thing though is that he likes doing it this way so much that he doesn't fuss at all when it's time to sit down and work.  He just grabs his stuff and heads to the table.  All in all we can get up to 45 minutes of work with absolute minimum fuss.  Ever once in while, when something is hard, I'll break up the desk work with a repeat segment of video.  So far the hardest thing for him has been finding the B/b in different sentences or puzzles.  And he's not to fond of me to asking him to point out the B/b in stores either.  But he's getting there.  And even better, he's interested and wanting to do it which is doing tons for his learning.

A New Year

On Monday we start our new school year.  I have our materials.  We have books, primers, videos, computer materials.  I was going to enter all the lessons into the scheduler we use but then I realized that wasn't necessary since the lesson plans are laid out by the curriculums.  And the tools needed to adapt the curriculum materials to my son are already available.  So I will be entering the information each day as we finish lessons.  All I have left to do is clear out the work area and edit some videos.  I should have that done by this evening.

Last week we managed to get in a trip to McKay Books in Nashville with a friend.  As a result, we know have ~100 beginning level readers that are just a step up from the ones we used last year.  Between the ones we already had and the new ones we should be able to read a book a day throughout the school year, without repeating much, if at all.  By the way, if you haven't been to McKay Books, it's definitely worth the trip.  We got most of the books for under $1 each.  Although we did pick up a few that were more.  Good thing I had a good stash of books and videos to exchange.  My girlfriend found one of the Dick and Jane omnibuses for one of her sons, along with quite a few other books she is happy with.

On a different front, I just discovered that Munchkin's tutor's husband will be the new principal at Munchkin's old school.  I had been hearing a lot about things going on at the school from parents who had kids that were/are still attending it.  And I've been hoping, for everyone's sake, that the new principal would be able to fix the relationships between the teachers, parents and school community.  This gentleman's wife was an amazing tutor who worked hard with Munchkin.  She was flexible and willing to try new things.  She did a lot of "off time" work to try to teach Munchkin.  If her husband is anything like her, then good things should be in the future for that school.  I'll keep fingers crossed and good thoughts.

And for really good news - Munchkin is talking!  He is talking at that cross over level between baby and toddler which means that sometimes Mommy needs to translate.  And every once in a while, someone else translates to Mommy.  He is using speech much more often than ever before and surprising us with new words and whole sentences.  He also seems to be truly getting a grasp of the give and take of conversing.  While his vocabulary isn't anything amazing- yet- it is more than it has been in the past.  Well, actually given who it is, it is amazing!  Some words have become really, really clear.  Mainly those words that he's actually been using for a long time.  Other words come out jangled.  And he still doesn't repeat things which can make it frustrating when you don't catch it the first time.  But it's not the empty "singing" of the past.  And the periods of being completely nonverbal have decreased drastically.  The improvements can make me smile and want to cry at the same time.  It definitely makes my heart sing and my spirits lift.  There are still issues with him talking to anyone that's not part of his regular life, as in it typically doesn't happen, but then every once in while he surprises me.  So I'm sure it will come.

One thing that has lead to this is that we respond to him whenever he verbalizes something.  Not just me, but the other families we know and spend time with.  If we aren't clear about what he said, we try repeating it back to him and asking him if we got it right.  While he won't repeat himself, he will let you know if you are right.  Sometimes its frustrating if you didn't get enough to know what he wanted.  But it's helped him a lot in understanding that his communications are important to us no matter how small, regardless of whether we understand them or not, which has encouraged him to communicate more.  It's been a slow process, a year and a half now, but it's working.  And I'm so incredibly grateful that it is.

We have discovered a lot of deficiencies in his vocabulary.  I know the schools worked with him on some of these words.  I think the problem is based in his inability to connect most graphics with the real world.  So we are working on this from two angles.  The first angle we've been working on for a while.  I've been trying to teach him to use a kid camera.  I don't care what he takes pictures of, just that he starts to make a connection between what he sees in front of him and the picture on the camera.  It's been hit and miss so we're going to try a little harder this year by making it something we do at least 3 times a week.

The second angle is both simpler and harder.  I am trying to stop using pronouns as much as possible in my verbal speech.  Well, at least when I'm talking with Munchkin.  I've been doing it for about two months and it is showing some progress.  He is beginning to make connections between the words he knows and the real worlds objects.  In fact, I can tell when he's having a difficult day by how many objects he suddenly has problems identifying.  When his body is giving him fits he will default back to a basic level.  Over time that basic level adds things but it takes time.  I have to be patient.  He has to be patient.  And yes, he gets frustrated by it.  That comprehension says a lot about the differences that have occurred through the last year and a half.  On difficult days I just slow down.  I make sure he is focused on me when I speak, forcing eye contact if necessary.  If he still can't process it, I walk him through whatever it is.  Generally the first couple of seconds is enough to kickstart him.  Sometimes it's not.  I remind myself that at some point in the past I wished for more patience.  Now I'm learning it.

I'm looking forward to seeing what the new school year brings.  I have a bright eyed mischievous boy who seems to want to take on the world.  Hopefully I can help him do that.

Homeschool 2013 - 2014

Just a brief note.  I've been looking at curriculums and trying to determine what we were going to do.  Munchkin has made a lot of positive forward strides in so many areas.  But not so many in the basic reading, math, science areas.  I think I've already covered that situation in prior posts so I'm moving on.

Reading for next year will be Hooked on Phonics for the central curriculum.  We are starting at the beginning and moving through it as fast as Munchkin shows me that he knows the skills.  I expect that we will get through the first level relatively quickly.  We are also expanding our collection of beginning readers so that we can read a book a day at his level.  This is possible because of McKay Books where I can stock up on readers for around a dollar each.  The beginning readers we used last year only had a few words per page, and frequently they were just words not sentences.  The ones we are getting now have one sentence per page.  I'm also finding some good beginning readers through local, and online, curriculum sales.

I debated between Hooked on Math and Math U See for a math curriculum this year.  But upon reviewing the Hooked on Math I realized that he does not yet have/demonstrate the knowledge for even the beginning level.  As his tutor this past year pointed out, he's still having issues with one to one correlation between the numbers and quantities.  So I will be using the Primary Math U See as a guideline but supplementing it heavily with other materials.  And we will be moving through it at his pace.  I don't know what the roadblock is for him but we'll keep trying patiently until something clicks.  And I'm sure it will click at some point, just like spelling did for him.

Science will be a curriculum based around the book "Science Play".  And this year it will be more focused on helping him to explore and learn about things rather than trying to predict things.  He just hasn't had enough time to explore this area to be making predictions and hypothesis.  So I'm going to follow some advice from other sources and just let him explore science while documenting what, where, when.  And then helping him learn the why.  I have to remember that he didn't really explore the world around him as a younger child.  And he wasn't exposed to much in the way of science education within the school systems.  So my job this year is to help him learn science through exploring.  I think we will both enjoy it.

Those are the "core" subjects for us.  There are other subjects but none of them are purchased curriculums at this point.  Munchkin just hasn't reached a level yet that makes it difficult for me to make the curriculum.  And honestly, I could have kept adapting several fine, free curriculums for those three subjects.  But I also don't mind using other curriculums.  In the case of these three it will just take a little of the stress of lesson planning off my shoulders.  A little because I'll still have to adapt and supplement most of the lessons.  It looks like the "Science Play" curriculum will be the one that requires the least adaptation.

I'm looking forward to this coming year.

Not Gone, Not Forgotten

This year has been an adventure and an experiment for us.  And the experiment part has really disrupted my ability to keep up with this blog like I wanted to.

But in two weeks the experiment portion of this year is done.  And it won't be repeated.  The experiment was a failure in the overall but I learned a lot from it.  The failure had nothing to do with the people involved because everyone gave it their best.  That's the truth.

The failure came from the outside boundaries that the experiment placed on my child's learning.  The time limits and mandatory goals (state required).  These are things the could not be changed by any of the individuals involved with my child.  These things can be changed by a return to purely homeschooling my son.

Maybe I can explain it in a way that all can understand. 

First - time limits.  My son was forced to do his work within a certain time limit because those were the times that the tutor was there.  And in an effort to keep him from overloading and spazzing while working with the tutor, I would not work on the same subjects on the days she was coming.  But time limits mean that they had to work on a subject even when he was overloading and/or spazzing.  The end result of the time limit then becomes that while he "does the work" it doesn't stick in his brain.

When we are purely homeschooling, time limits aren't an issue because the entire day is open for learning, not just certain time periods.  So we can work for a while, and then he can go deal with the sensory issues for a while.  Some days we can get all the school work done early.  Some days we finally finish the last of the school work just before bed time.  Other days, typically really bad sensory days, we only get a few core subjects done.  But I know that when we are working on school, he's able to focus on it.  The result is that more of it sticks in his brain.  And there are a lot fewer bad sensory days, for multiple reasons.  A fun side note is that he comes to crave his lessons and will "remind" me that we need to do work when he's bored or wants time with me.  For me that is a priceless reminder that there is so much more to my child than he can express right now.

Okay, now the second issue, mandatory goals.  Yup, there's IDEA that says the goals should be designed to meet the child's educational needs.  And the state I'm in created an extended curriculum for special needs children that they mandated must be a part of every child's IEP in addition to any other goals.  And the mandatory goals are "graded".  So the first thing that the teachers do is focus on those mandatory goals.  It's natural.  It's job survival.  Those goals are graded and not meeting them can reflect negatively on even a good teacher.  That doesn't mean that the teachers don't work on the other goals.  But the time spent meeting the mandatory goals, a lot of which don't reflect the child's skill levels at all, seriously affects the time the teacher can use to focus on the rest of the goals.  This is the same issue that teachers for regular education classrooms face - teaching for testing.  And it's not a good thing there either.

When we are purely homeschooling, our only "end goal" is that my son finish and comprehend the curriculum that we are working on for each subject.  There is no time limit (yup that time limit thing again).  If he gets through a lesson easily and quickly, we keep moving on.  If he has problems with it, we slow down and go at it from different angles until he comprehends it.  I teach it until he comprehends it in a demonstrable manner.  It doesn't matter if he "does the work" if he can't show me that he understands it.  So yeah, I may be homeschooling him until he's 30.  So what?  If he's learning and comprehending then it's good.

And since I'm only teaching one child I can spend the time adapting things so that he can demonstrate comprehension.  From using his communicators to using pictures to using magnet letters to occasionally using actual words, I provide him with the tools to express himself independently.  And we move at the pace of his expressed comprehension.  Even though there are frequently random signs that he comprehends more than he expresses.  Sometimes it's frustrating for him.  (and me.)  But he needs to learn to express himself, to communicate clearly.  And he is slowly learning that.  It helps that he is learning that I am definitely listening.  He may not always like the answer he gets but all attempts at communication are responded to with my complete focus.  The result is that he is trying to communicate more often.  The only exception is when he decides he needs to communicate while I'm talking to someone on the phone.  Then he gets my attention when I get off of the phone.  (And I know that this is something that is regular to kids.  I remember that my brothers and I used to have a bad habit of interrupting phone calls as well.)

Now I did say that I learned some things...........and I did.  I learned about some areas where his comprehension either wasn't what I thought it was, or he wasn't transferring the skill to show someone else.  I learned more on how to help him use his communicators more effectively.  I learned where we were already incorporating things that used to be done mainly by specialists into his everyday regular world.  And I learned more things to incorporate.  There were many positive things learned within the overall failure.

And in truth, what is failure but a positive lesson in learning that one thing won't work so you should try it again in a different way.  Eventually there will be an overall success to go with all the smaller successes that built up to it.

So there is a heart felt "Thank you" to all of those who were part of this experiment for their dedication, sharing, skills and caring. 

And this blog is not gone, and not forgotten.  I will restart posting when we are once again following lesson plans that are focused solely for my child in the ways that work.  And because I have frequently run across folks this year who wonder how to homeschool a child with autism.  So maybe I can help some of them get one their feet and going.

Starfall

Ok, now you know about Munchkin's computer so I'm going to tell you about some of the places that we use it to access.

Starfall is a site that has some very good educational activities for kids.  Classic Starfall is free and is wonderful in and of itself.  This year I decided to get More Starfall which has more extensive activities including numbers.  So far it has proven to be worth the yearly fee, and it's just been a month or so.  (www.starfall.com)

We use Starfall to connect with other lessons in very simple ways.  When doing phonics or numbers, we will go to Starfall.  Munchkin will then complete the activity for whatever number or letter we are working on.  When he's done with the Starfall activity we will go work with the activities I have planned.  Sometimes it's matching cards.  Other times it's worksheets.  Sometimes it's crafts that incorporate the letter or number we are working on.  But normally since we've started with Starfall, which he loves, he's more focused and willing to do the follow up activities.  And he knows that when we are done, he can go back to Starfall which is proving to be a powerful motivator.

One part to More Starfall that I haven't used yet is the teacher section.  I am planning on using it more since it's worksheets correlate well with the education activities.  But given Munchkin's need to work on something multiple times to learn it we will continue using other materials as well.

If you're teaching at home or just trying to help your child, Starfall could be a real help.  Especially for kids with disabilities that need repeated exposure to different things in order to learn them.  Starfall offers repeated focused exposure that is simple for the kids to follow.  And the computer activities have the patience to do the same thing repeatedly while always sounding cheerful and upbeat, even if your child makes the same mistake over and over and over again.  This goes an amazingly long way in helping our kids to keep trying something until they master it.

I know that Munchkin is much more tolerant of his mistakes on the computer than during work time.  If he makes a mistake during work time he gets more and more upset each time until he can't calm enough to to get the work done.  If he makes a mistake on the computer he just keeps going until he gets it right.  Big difference.  Enough of a difference that if I feel that he's not getting a concept I will go looking for a program or app that he can work with until he gets confident enough to not spaz out when he makes a mistake.  Most of the time it works.

Here's hoping that this might help your child as well.



(Oh, and again, no I didn't get paid for this or asked to do it.  This has just proven to be a really, really useful site for us!)

And even more, I don't know why this has sat here in draft form for a few months now.  But I'm fixing that.

Computer Modifications

Okay, from prior posts you know that my son has a tablet with a communication program.  Actually he now has two.  One 10" and one 4" tablet.  We use the 4" tablet in public venues and the 10" tablet in private.  Both are set up with JabTalk in the exact same way.

We also use the 10" tablet for lessons.  In some areas it is great.  In other areas not so great.  For online activities, it is not so great because he gets to tapping with his fingers and ends up in Never Never Land.  Even with a restricted kid browser.  This is frustrating for both of us.

Also, I have yet to figure out how to link the tablet with ActiveInspire on my computer.

The end result is that Munchkin needed a computer of his own.  I don't trust him with mine, even on a restricted user access setting.  So with the help of the family we overhauled a very old laptop for him.  Now I can do ActiveInspire activities with him on his laptop.  And he can access online activities through ZacBrowser. 

We had to make some modifications to the computer though in order for Munchkin to use it.  The first modification was to change to the largest arrows/cursors that were available.  This was so that he could more readily see the cursor when his hand is jerking it all over the screen.  Because sometimes that's just how his body works.

Second, his fingers aren't any better on a mouse than they are one a touch screen.  Right now he doesn't have the fine motor control to only click one mouse button at a time.  This modification required that we get a Microsoft mouse which, fortunately, Dad had on hand.  In older versions of Windows I had been able to modify the settings for any mouse but it's been a while and apparently that has changed. 

Having gotten the appropriate type of mouse I went in and set it so that when Munchkin is in his programs only the left button on the mouse works.  All of the rest of the buttons, and the wheel, are disabled.  I'm doing this first so that he can learn that he has to click that left button in order to get the computer to react.  Later on we will work clicking only one button at a time.  The need to learn that control is why I didn't just get a single button switch.  I'm working with Munchkin so that he can learn to work with what is readily available, not just specialty devices.

Anyways, there are quite a few built in access modifications in Windows.  There are also quite a few programs out there to enable access modification if you can't find what you need built in to your operating system.  So if you want your child to learn computers, they can.  Just go looking online.  If you don't have the blessings we did of a family to help with old computers then you can set up a restricted user profile for your child.  At one point we were doing that here.  And to protect my keyboard from my son, we actually found a waterproof keyboard that was for his use only.  (That was another Dad bargain find.)

Your child may surprise you.  I know mine did.  He's learned how to maneuver through his allowed programs like a pro.  And computer time is an educational reward that he loves.  Oh the wonder of it!  He will willing spend hours working on educational activities at the computer.  And some of those activities make great lead ins to our home school lessons.

Learning Emotions

Earlier this year we did Sebastian's Roller Skates.  When we did I used emotion picture cards for us to review the different emotions and give Munchkin a visual connection between an actual emotion and the word that is used for it.  I got the basic picture set from here: 

http://do2learn.com/activities/SocialSkills/EmotionAndScenarioCards/EmotionAndScenarioCards.html

The site has quite a few useful tools.  I did have to make a card for "shy" but there are blanks for precisely that purpose.

Well, for the last two weeks we've been reading "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day".  The title is great.  So I pulled the emotion cards back out and we reviewed them as we read through the book.  And we reviewed the variety that might apply to each situation that Alexander suffers through during his day.  Toward the end I had Munchkin chose and give me the card that he thought best related to the different situations.  He did really, really well.  He didn't always chose the card that I would have but that wasn't the purpose.  The purpose was for him to make a connection between the events and the emotions.

I'm going to keep the cards handy now for us to use with the rest of the stories when appropriate.  But one thing that I did discover with this story was that Munchkin was over empathizing with the main character, Alexander.  He seemed to think that he was having, or going to have, a bad day as well.  So we are going to add that to the pile of things to work on.  Specifically, we are going to spend some time working on the difference between real and pretend.  We will also work on him understanding that just because it happens in a story/movie, whether real or pretend, doesn't mean it will happen to him.

But I'm also happy that he made an emotional connection with the story, even if it was a confused one.  It's a good sign for positive connections to the world around him rather than getting lost in his own world.

Lessons Within Lessons

For Valentine's Day Munchkin and I went hunting online for pictures of "love".  We dug through Google Image searches with Munchkin pointing out pictures that meant love to him.  Love having been defined as the warm, happy, snuggly feeling he gets when he thinks about his mommy, his grandparents, his Twiggy, and his Drew. 

When we had an assortment collected, I sat down and did some cutting/pasting in Paint to get it down to three sheets of pictures that we could cut out.  (And that would fit on the box being used).   There were so many that he ended up covering the box inside and out.  And with only a little help from me he choose which pictures went where and glued them on.  My input was to keep him from stacking the pictures directly on top of one another - that's it.

(Note:  I did not take these.  The artists who did take them did a wonderful job at portraying the emotions so clearly that my son had no problems making a connection with them.  Next year I might work with him on using his camera to take pictures himself.)

But there was another lesson that popped up within this project.  That lesson was how to apply glue using a glue stick.  This has always been difficult for my son.  And I couldn't understand why because he loves playing with glue sticks and smearing glue.  We've used plain glue sticks and colored glue sticks but he just didn't seem to catch on to the concept of spreading it across the entire space to be glued.  And I honestly thought I'd have to go back and do some more gluing after my son was done.

But this time we used something different.  Elmer's Colored Glue Sticks.  These aren't the colored glue sticks that fade as they dry.  These glue sticks go on in color and the color stays.  And that was apparently what my munchkin needed in order to figure things out. 

First, these glue sticks spread on easily with none of the grabbing that's been an issue with other glue sticks.  So it was easy for him to hold the picture down and use the glue stick.

Second, the color didn't fade as the glue dried.  So he could easily see where he had missed.  I only had to show him once.  Every picture after that he did completely by himself.  And he was picky.  Every single piece of white had to be thoroughly colored before the picture could go on the box.  And since he was so thorough, even if the glue had started drying there was more than enough to still adhere the picture.

And that skilled has continued to show in all the gluing projects since then.

So he's mastered a skill he needed.  He has a wonderful box which we will be using to store mementos of occasions that make him feel love/loved as a further extension on learning and understanding another emotional word. 

And mommy is going to be hunting up lots of these glue sticks to set back for future projects.  Especially since they are going on clearance in the stores around here.  I don't want to run out before he can shift to using the older style glue sticks.  Hmmm....I might need to go look online now....
















(This is a completely unpaid, unplanned review.  These just really worked for my son.  I thought they might work for someone else having a similar problem.)

This is what we are doing.......

A good friend pointed out that there aren't many resources out there to help families that are homeschooling special needs and/or autism children.  So I promised to start sharing what we are doing.

First off, we are loosely following the lesson plans from Lesson Pathways.  I say loosely because I tend to refocus a lot of the lesson plans.  And there is no time limit for a lesson.  If it takes a couple of weeks then it takes a couple of weeks.  Some, like the language arts lessons, I plan for a two week span and then expand it if necessary.  So far it really hasn't been necessary unless he's gotten ill.

To keep on track of things I've been using Home School SkedTrack.  I put the lessons in as I plan them and prep for them.  Then I make any changes on the day we do them and mark the plans done.  It is proving to be a great way to keep up on the paperwork portion of homeschooling.  In addition, I plan as far out as I can reasonably do so.  The result is that each day all I have to do is pull up the "today" section and I know what we are doing.  No stress.  It's great!

Ok, so the first lesson I'll go over with you is the one we just finished for Language Arts.  We were reading Good Night, Gorilla.  This book is a hoot and has very, very few words.  The focus for the tutor was that my son learn to sequence the animals and the action sequence of the story.  She did this by having him color pages of the animals and put them in order.  She also made copies of some of the pages for him to put in order.  He did really well.

My focus was for him to learn the animals represented in the story.  So each day's lesson involved watching a video of an animal on YouTube first.  Then he would do a coloring page of that animal.  Then we would look at printed pictures of that animal.  Finally he would match all of those things together and point out the drawings of that animal in the book.  All of these things were very easily found online by Googling the title "Good Night Gorilla" for the pages and prints.  And then searching on YouTube for the individual animals.  I learned a few things myself, such as hyenas are much larger than I thought they were.  For the final three days working on the story we read the book and then worked on him identifying pictures when I asked him for a specific animal.  Like his work for the tutor, it went fairly well.  And when we get a zoo visit in later this year, I'll check the book out again.  And pull back out the pictures.  That way he can make even stronger mental connections between the different images.

See...not really hard.  You just have to define your goals and not get too expansive.  There will be time to learn everything.  Next we are working on emotions again.  This was something we did earlier when we read Sebastian's Roller Skates.