Munchkin is becoming more and more determined to be independent. He comes by the desire honestly. My family is full of strong independent thinkers and doers. And it is providing so many incredibly opportunities for teaching him.
It's also providing some amazing arguments as I try to teach him that there are things he cannot do because of the dangers. One of our longest running arguments this year has been clothing. There was a short burst when summer began and he didn't want to wear shorts. We compromised and peace was achieved. There has been another burst as the cold weather hit. I think, in the last few days, we've managed to reach another compromise. He will wear shirts when asked and he gets to pick the shirt. And he must wear fleece bottoms when he goes out back to play. For his part, he gets to wear his fuzzy socks whenever he wants to, including when we go out. He has realized that fuzzy socks and warm slippers are good things when outside in cool weather playing and sneakers are mandatory when we leave the house.
But he just has to try to get around the rules or compromises. And sometimes it's really hard to be "mean" mom and not to burst out laughing at the same time. But if I start laughing he will keep doing it. Oh yes, my child has learned to use amusement, hugs, kisses, tickles and snuggles to try to get his way. And I've had to learn to present a neutral or firm reaction no matter how amused I am.
Today we had an argument over the wheelbarrow. He wanted it on the trampoline. I didn't. He thought that this was something he could get around. He couldn't. It's a risk to him, it's not happening. So we ended up in the house on a time out, without his table, which triggered whole new levels of tantrum. And yes, it was tantrum not meltdown. After he took about an hour to realize that I wasn't going to change my mind, and no amount of antics was going to help him, he finally reached a stage where he would listen and respond. Well, he would listen and respond after he truly realized that no amount of snuggling, kissing, tickling, etc. was going to manipulate Mommy. The moment that he was truly ready to hear me was when he looked at me and said "I bad." He didn't ask, he stated. So I explained why for him.
(No lectures on the child being bad vs. the action being bad. I know the difference. I tell him the difference on a regular basis. He does not have the language skills yet to state it any other way.)
The trick here for me is to put the rules, and explanations, in a really simple form that he can understand. And "because I said so" does not work in any way, shape, or form anymore. So in short brief sentences, I explained that the wheel barrow could tear the trampoline. And if the trampoline tore he could be hurt when he fell through. Yes, I completely left out the information of the trampoline then being gone for good and he wouldn't have it. That was too much for this session.
Then we hit the truly tricky part. I told Munchkin that he needed to be good. And I defined "good" as not putting the wheelbarrow on the trampoline. I then told him that he could only go outside if he would be good. And I asked him if he would be good.
Oh my ,the avoidance that came up then. He wouldn't look me in the eyes. He tried to cuddle more. He tried kisses. Each time I would stop him, make him look at me, and ask him again "Will you be good?". Now realize that for him, right now, if he tells me he will be good he will try very hard to do so. And he so didn't want to be good in this instance. At one point he looked at me and said "no". And I told him "then you can't go back outside" and walked away. He promptly came and grabbed me and pulled me back. After another few minutes of hemming and hawing, he said "yeah". I promptly told him "okay you can go outside" and pointed to the back door. It took him about a minute to decide that I really meant it and head out the back door.
I followed. I know my son. He was ecstatic that he had his table back. And it took about 5 minutes for him to remember the wheelbarrow. He came back to it slowly, pretending that he was just going in the house. And he got slower and slower as he walked past it. Then he stopped and a hand reached out. And then Mommy's voice spoke his name and reminded him that he was being good. He looked at Mommy, looked at the wheelbarrow and walked back to play in the treehouse without anymore prompting. And Mommy moved the wheelbarrow to a spot where it's not hidden, but not readily visible, so that he will have to think about being bad in order to go get it. So far, he is being good.
And then I came in and had a bittersweet moment. Yes, this is something toddler's learn but he hadn't learned it at that age. He's learning it now. And my little boy is growing up just a little more.
No comments:
Post a Comment