Sanity and Walking Away

Severe autism is an embedded part of my life. My son and I live it. We breathe it. It is in every thought, every decision. Writing about it is very hard for me. It makes me focus on negatives a lot. For my sanity, I prefer to focus on positives. I suffer from anxiety and depression. Focusing on negatives has a way of pulling me into a mental bog that is very hard for me to escape. I had to walk away from this blog for that reason. There were other places that people could find the answers they need.

But at the same time, I'm seeing other parents getting pulled into that bog. And it hurts me to see them getting trapped. Yes, our lives have hard, difficult, brain torturing moments. But our lives also have so much beauty.

A friend has asked me, many times, to write this blog. Her focus was/is on how it could help other families looking to home school their disabled kids. But that topic could fill an ocean and still leave all of outer space to fill as well. Because our children are all beautiful and unique in their own ways. As a result, they all learn in different ways. And I am not skilled in teaching many, just one. One unique male person.

The same can be said of what I might start posting here. The ideas may not work for your family member. But maybe they will give you a jumping off point or ideas to work with. I am, maybe, sometimes, an expert in one unique male who is coping with severe autism and several other issues. But from what others have said, I have a unique way of looking at things. And please, share your unique ways of dealing with different issues as well. Maybe together we can create a resource for others that are fighting on their own. And we can provide them with alternate views of their family members and what their lives can be.

Most of my focus will be for adult with severe autism. That is what I know. That is where I see a severe lack of support for caregivers and families. All I can provide is words and long distance hugs, and the awareness that you are not alone, but if it can help one person then I will do it.

Please be aware that these ideas may not work for your unique person. And most definitely may not work well with those who are not on the severe end of the spectrum. Wherever, whenever possible let the person you are helping guide you and the path. Not to their detriment, nor to yours, but in a balanced way that lets them grow and learn while keeping both of you safe and sane. You will likely be surprised. 

Some days my son can handle everything that life throws at him within his zone and use the skills he has learned. Other days, I am the shield because he can't. Sometimes I'm the cattle prod, reminding him to use his skills. All of us, abled/disabled, have days like that. His are just a bit more problematic than mine. Most of the time. And some days, when my day has just knocked me on my rear and I'm fighting my way back to my feet, my son gives me a hug, or a kiss, or does something completely silly to make me laugh. Because he knows and wants to help in the ways that he can. And some days, we both have a Horrible, No Good, Rotten Day. That is life.

Do you have some sanity you can share? It is in short supply around here some days. And nobody seems to have any to spare.

The Rough Days

Lest you get the idea that homeschooling my Munchkin is all wonderful, let me set you straight.  There are a lot of good days and we've seen a lot of growth/improvements.  But there are rough days.

In the start, the rough days out numbered the good days.  Hard but honest.  My son had a lot of bad habits to overcome.  And a lot of sensory issues to get worked out.  As a result, while we had lesson plans, I spent a lot of time during those lessons helping him with those issues.  I would often finish up lessons feeling like nothing had been accomplished, either behavorial or educational.  I was only looking back that I could see just how many changes occurred over that first time period.  Keeping a journal, even impromptu, will help you with that.  When you get too overwhelmed with current issues you can look back and see just how far you have come.

Nowadays, we have more good days than bad.  But there are still occasional bad days.  Normally, like this week, they are when my son is sick.  In truth, a bad day of "school" is generally one of the signs that makes me look for illness if my son doesn't give me signals.  But this week he got an eye infection and the doctor found the starts of an inner ear infection.  Add to that the tooth coming in that seems to be causing all sorts of issues of its own, including headaches, and we had a doozy of a week. 

So what does a rough week look like.  Well it starts with him wanting no lights on at all throughout the house.  Even if he's a couple of rooms away.  And no sounds unless he's watching the big TV which he only does for short periods because of the noise.  His preference is one of his small players with the sound turned almost completely off.  And he tries to spend most of his time curled up in my bed under my very heavy comforter.

So what do I do?  I adjust the lessons.  When I can get videos watched, I do, with the sound turned down low.  I climb into bed with him and read.  We play counting games that involve tickling or other play things.  If we have a really good segment to a day, we will do a worksheet or two.  But I don't push excessively because he really is feeling bad.  All of the missed videos, worksheets, and etc can be worked through rather quickly once he's feeling okay again.  And in those first few days of suddenly feeling good again, he doesn't mind the extra material because he has the energy.

What I don't do?  I don't abandon the lessons completely.  Even if we are doing a much shorter, simpler lesson.  Even if we are curled up in bed and hiding under comforters, I make sure that even those lessons are continued.  It is much easier to get back to a normal level of schoolwork if you don't let it disappear completely.  And sometimes, on especially bad days, all the lessons may be is curling up with him and watching the videos while snuggling.  And we'll watch those videos again later when he is mentally processing things better.  But the general structure of lessons remains.

Don't let the rough days get you down too much because you will get through them.  One day you'll look back and realize just how far you and your child have come.  And then, for a while at least, you will face the new day's issues with a smile because you know that you both have overcome things before and will continue to do so.  And heck, sometimes that smile and lessening of stress is all that is needed this time.  :-)

Adapting Homeschooling

My apologies but the pain that caused one day off refused to go away.  And the accompanying fatigue and brain fog left me with only enough energy for the mandatory things in life.  So back to the topic.

This year is the first year that we are using several full, preplanned curricula.  It's an experiment.  Honestly, I was pleasantly surprised to find the curricula had all daily lesson planning included which saved me a whole lot of work.  But just because they're purchased, preplanned curricula doesn't mean that they don't need adaption.

My son is non verbal.  While he does have some language and is gaining more, at this time, none of his language is functional for working on his school work.  He also has great difficulty in writing which adds its own level of complications.  In order to get his assignments done without making them too stressful, I use several tools.  Schools call this assistive technology which is somewhat misleading because it makes you think of computers.  I do use some electronic technology but, as you'll discover, I use a lot more simple stuff.

First is a communication program called Jabtalk.  It's a free android app but it would be worth paying for.  It offers many of the same things as most very expensive communication programs.  In fact, the only thing it doesn't offer is a image library.  This is perfect for us because I prefer to choose our own images.  But it's also perfect for many others because you can use whatever image library you've been using elsewhere.

Jabtalk is installed on both his tablet and a much smaller android phone.  I use it to make boards that he can use to "talk" when necessary to complete his assignments.  This is a continual work in progress.  And while I can get him to use it for school work, he doesn't really transition to using it for the rest of life.  Most likely because the verbal vocabulary he has does work for most of that even if I have to resort to yes/no questions.  Jabtalk is a tool that can be used in all of his subjects.

First/Then boards are great to a degree.  When we first started out, I used them a lot.  As we've gotten further along my son has learned to listen when I make statements like that.  He's also learned to listen when I list multiple items, something I used to do with visible picture boards.  Each child will move at their own pace but most can move beyond the need for those visible lists at some point.

In specific subjects it gets more detailed.  For math, I use two sets of Melissa and Doug number magnets.  I also print off sheets of numbers for use in assignments.   A few sets are laminated but more are just cut apart and stored so that he can "write" his answers on his worksheets.  You only need to do 0 through 9.  And those bead sorters from the craft stores are a great way to keep these organized.  You can also do math symbols.  And yes, we go through a lot of glue sticks.  Oh, and this year we are using the Math U See curriculum and it's accompanying manipulatives.  My son loves the blocks so I'm hoping that it will help him grasp the concept of quantities.

For spelling, we use the Melissa and Doug upper and lower case letter magnets.  I have multiple sets so that we have enough.  The idea that he can "build" words is still very new for him so right now that is all we do.  We "play" with building words.  When it becomes more concrete, I will do the same thing for the alphabet that I do for numbers if it is still needed.

For reading, we do the same thing that many teachers do.  I create a worksheet with blanks.  Then there are pieces, with both word and image, that are used to fill the blanks.  Sometimes I use JabTalk for those "blanks".  Reading is still very simplistic right now.  And this refers just to comprehension when we read a story together or complete a science summary for the week.

For actually learning to read, well that has been a challenge to navigate and test the last few years.  This year we are using the Gemiini reading videos and their accompanying books.  They are being paired with the LeapFrog Tag beginning readers as well.  Actually, I'm making Gemiini videos for a lot of his subjects but in this one area they will be the primary tool, not an accessory tool.  Because of the way that the videos and program are created, he can be fully tested despite being non verbal.  He's made it more than obvious that he would like to learn to read over the past year so I'm hoping that this will help him to bridge the gap.

For science we are using a curriculum that was designed around the kid show "Magic School Bus" with some alterations.  And I use all of the ideas above to let him interact with that curriculum.  The only problem that has developed so far is that he doesn't want to watch the actual childrens' videos.  So I may have to hunt up alternative videos.  I'm going to give it another couple of weeks or so to see if the problem goes away or not.

Anyways, as you can see, I use a lot of assistive technology to give my son the ability to complete his assignments.  These items can be used with any curriculum.  I've used them with a few.  So don't feel compelled to use only specific curricula.  One thing I will warn about is to not get caught up in laminating, and reusing, everything.  I was guilty of this until a friend pointed it out.  You need to keep some basic proof and records so intact completed worksheets from your child are good things to have on hand.  And remember not to aid them too much.  It's hard to see them struggle, but all children struggle to learn and if you take that struggle away you limit their learning.  Only assist/prompt the bare minimum needed to keep your child focused on the task.

As for the writing issues, the problem there isn't really fine motor control anymore.  It's that he wasn't given any writing tutoring except for the random assignments throughout his school years.  And almost every single time he was given completely hand over hand assistance.  His writing skills have improved greatly since we started homeschooling but it's still very difficult for him.  From a purely physical standpoint, his fingernails shaped differently because there was no continual writing and he has no writing callouses on his fingers.  These are things that make it easier for the rest of us to write frequently.  Anyways, writing is a "subject" which we practice for 15 to 20 minutes a day.  I use a variety of writing surfaces and materials so that he can work on control with all of them.  One day he will be able to use his writing skills as freely as you and I do.

One Day Off

I haven't forgotten the blog.  I'm just in a lot of lower back pain.  So I'm taking a day off because the medicines make me wobbly.

But one thing to share.  Yesterday I offered my son the choice of watching Shrek or Reading Rainbow.  I didn't expect a verbal response.  I figured I would have to break the question down further to get yes or no answers.  So when I got a verbal response, one that was completely new unheard words, I was floored.  My son said "Reading Rainbow".  It was muffled but I double checked it with him.  I asked him if he wanted "Reading Rainbow" and he said yes.  Needless to say, he got to watch Reading Rainbow.  And I had a quiet happy cry to myself for a few minutes.

Homeschooling with Autism - Step Two

By the time I reached this step we were starting a new school year.  The local school system offered to send a homebound teacher for 2 hours a week and an occupation therapist for a half an hour a week.  The homebound teacher was also a speech therapist so that would be covered.  I decided to give it a try.

First I found a free pre-K curriculum online that I could expand on.  Then I looked up my state's mandatory goals.  Then I sat down and made a detailed IEP that blended both.  I was under no illusion that 2 and a half hours a week was enough education time so I was going to homeschool as well.  I made sure that we were all functioning on the same page.

To be honest, it was an abysmal failure.  Not on the part of the teacher, who tried very hard.  Or on my part because I provided whatever she needed, including helping with the lessons.  But because she had to meet those mandatory goals and the information she was getting on how to do so was extremely counter productive.  Up to and including being told not to use his communicator, and if he did, not to report it!  And this wasn't really an issue at the local level either.  It was an issue at the state level.  And many things just made no sense. 

But there were several silver linings.  First was that since she was a speech therapist, she confirmed that the adaptations on materials were good and workable.  She used many of those and she took some ideas to use in her school.  She shared ideas that I continue to use.  She also confirmed my assessments about his actual skill levels in his subjects. 

The occupational therapist confirmed that I had very effectively woven his OT therapies into his school work and gave me what I considered to be the highest praise.  She wished that the schools could do as well in combining the therapies into everyday lessons.  And it was always amusing, for all of us, when I would find new toys or activities that would help with his therapies yet be "play".

But that was the school involved stuff.  On the home side, things went okay. 

I took the free curriculum and I made communication boards for him to use.  I found extra activities that would provide him with different ways to learn the material.  We explored some more.  He started experimenting with spelling.  And struggled hard with math.  He also learned some basic self care skills.

Yet we still had issues.  He loves videos and they provide him with the best way of learning.  I found a lot of good videos but at the same time a lot of them had the same issue.  They were too long.  They covered too much.  And in doing so, they caused him to lose focus on what we were working on.  And there were almost no math videos that focused purely on quantities, not counting.

So I adventured into learning new skills.  I took his favorite educational DVDs and made them mp4s.  Then I learned to edit them into segments that only focused on what we were working on.  For the alphabet, this turned out to be wonderful and he loved it.  I no longer had to wonder, at all, whether he comprehended his letters.  For math, well, while I can edit videos, I'm not so good at making them from scratch so we continued to struggle.  But we did seem to be making some progress there just not as much.  I started to involve him in counting whenever possible and sometimes he would have breakthroughs.

By the end of the year we were still working on pre-K in some areas but were at first grade on others.  We just moved slowly through the curriculum and I would add in additional activities until he displayed a good grasp of whatever we were reviewing.  Hence the reason why an IEP didn't work.  I used the curriculum as our goals with the sole intent of getting as far as we could without focusing on having it all done by X time.  It's worked and helped both of us stay sane.

This is the way we did things for two years.  And I'll admit that while we've slowly progressed further than the schools had, his core subjects are slow moving.  But there have been other amazing breakthroughs that have more than balanced that issue.

The unintentional "lessons" that my Munchkin learned because of homeschooling are plentiful.  First, he learned to use the few words he had.  And he added more!  He learned the give and take of conversing.  And he does it very well with his limited vocabulary.  He went from one, occasionally two, word phrases to sentences!  And just recently he surprised me with a whole sentence that included the proper pronouns and all!  Even better, he started doing it with other people.  One of my friends and her husband were the first to hear him say "Thank you."  I missed it!  Basically my Munchkin has proven that the expressive language skills are there in his brain.  His speech problem is almost purely getting the words from his brain and out through his mouth.

He has more than proved that his receptive language skills are excellent.  And when there are issues it is typically because he is either ill or because I used a new word.  So we're working on expanding the vocabulary.  And if there are issues on a day, I watch to see what is going on with him body wise.

He has learned that it okay to express his needs and wants.  He has also learned how to do some of those things himself.  He can get his own drink now.  He can help himself to servings of food.  He can also put his dishes in the sink.  He can tell me what he does and doesn't like.  He's learning to tell me when, and where, he hurts at.  And he's learning to do all these things in a calm manner, not with tantrums or meltdowns.

He has learned that things have "homes".  He has learned how to do basic clean up.  And yet, like a typical teenager, those skills never seem to apply to our DVDs.

He has also learned that he wants friends.  He has changed behaviors in order to not upset people (on his own).  But on the painful flip side, he is very much aware of when he is excluded.  His desire to be able to communicate is never more obvious than in those moments.  Yet, he also observes the other kids around him and experiments with new things afterwards.  He recently spent a day with a very talkative child and spent the next couple of days experimenting with sounds and sentences.  And came out with a few!

And I've learned.  I've learned to listen for him trying to "talk".  I've learned to help him learn to do it himself.  I've learned not to assist but instead to teach it a different way.  And if I wasn't patient before, I learned to be patient again.  I learned what tools, from simple to complex, to use in different situations to enable him to be "present" in the regular world and not overload.  I even have a wheelchair that we use when an environment is likely to be difficult for him, or otherwise unattendable.

But perhaps the most treasured lesson, I learned to see the normal boy that was suffering from autism.  For most of his life every one of his behaviors was seen, judged, and treated through the lens of his autism.  I learned, through great friends and family, what was typical behavior for his age.  And from there I could see what the autism affects.  It has caused a drastic shift in our world.  And it has brought great joy for both of us, once Munchkin got past the knowledge that some of his manipulation no longer worked.  :-)  It's more than obvious that he enjoys the respect he gets now.

Homeschooling with Autism - Step One

Okay, as I promised, here's a basic idea of where to start from.  The first place to start from is your child's IEP.  Actually you want their last few IEPs.  And you can get copies of them from your school board.  Just send a polite written request.  Some school boards will provide them upon verbal request as well.  Just check with your school board and see what they need.

If your child is still in school, arrange to observe the classroom.  If you're lucky you can get a few days in.  Just remember, don't disrupt the class and don't interfere.  You are an observer only.  And what you want to observe is how, specifically, they are working with your child.  Are they using worksheets, file folders, task boxes, etc?  How often are they using hand over hand to assist your child?  How independent is your child when doing work?  All of those sorts of things.  This will help you.

Now, my son isn't an Aspie so most of what I'm going to tell you from here on out may or may not apply if your child is. 

First, take those IEPs and see what goals have carried over from year to year.  Those are going to be your child's difficult subjects.  And bottom line, whatever they were doing at school wasn't working so you're going to want to find new ways to introduce and work on those subjects.

But before you work on anything, you are going to have to test your child on his actual skill level.  So create fun "tests" that are similar to the methods the school uses and see how your child does.  See how your child does independently.  Yup, the skill isn't learned if your child can't do it on their own.

When I did this it ended up taking a few weeks.  I kept having to back up the skill levels until we either reached a point where he could do something without prompting (beyond prompting to focus his attention) or we reached pre-K levels with no true success.  In addition I discovered that my son was extremely addicted to hand over hand guidance.

To be honest, I was more than a little furious over those discoveries.  But since that wasn't going to help either of us, I channeled it and got to work.

I wrote my first completely independent IEP.  I'd had lots of practice through the years.  I was happy that, for once, I wasn't going to have to argue over what was in it.  It was everything the experts tell you to do.  Detailed precise goals with firm guidelines and assessments.  It was a thing of beauty.  And within a month I threw it out.  Yup.  It didn't really fit well with homeschooling.  It might for you.  I found it too restrictive and difficult.

So instead I found a bunch of Pre-K curriculum materials, added a bunch of manipulatives and videos.  And went to town.  I experimented with all sorts of teaching methods.  I got my son a tablet for school work and communication.  For 6 months, we worked freestyle.  And I worked on observing which methods seemed to get through the most and on breaking his hand over hand dependence.

It last 6 months because that was about the amount of time we had left in that first school year since I pulled him at mid year.  At the same time I worked on several health issues he was suffering from that had environmental triggers.

At the end of that 6 months, I had a good idea of where he actually was in all subjects.  Any transference issues had been worked through and if he had the knowledge, he showed it.  In addition, I had a wonderfully complete idea of what methods actually broke through and helped him to learn.  For my son, it's a combination of videos and kinesthetic learning.  Photos, books, worksheets, etc are all fails for helping him get the knowledge although they can be used to help verify the knowledge.

But even better than all of that wonderful knowledge was the surprises.  My son's stress level decreased drastically.  Acting out behaviors faded.  He saw what "real" life was like and started doing "real" life things.  I was able to pay attention to his verbalizations and respond as if he was fully talking so he started verbalizing more.  He got more solid words and he experimented with more sounds.  All in all, there were some really pleasant surprises.

So, if you are going to take the leap, don't expect instant success.  You need to learn what works for your child and how to apply it.  And your child will learn even more just by being around you all day.  Take your time.  Let both of you breathe deep and explore.  The journey is so worth it.

I Can't Do What The School Can!

That is the most common reason given/heard for not homeschooling kids with autism.  And be aware, this topic may cover a few days.

First I'm going to explain to you what the school day is like for a typical special needs kid, in a confined classroom, up through 6th grade.  Or what it was like for my son, in multiple schools.

First they arrive at school and are taken to their classroom.  This can be anywhere from half an hour before the bell to just before the bell.  In some classrooms, the teacher and aides try to provide breakfast during that time.  In other classrooms the first half hour after the bell was "breakfast" time.  Most families with special needs kids qualify for free or reduce lunches.  While we did because of food allergies we rarely ever used it.  In fact, the school was only allowed to provide safe drinks for my son and the occasional salad.

Now that food is in them the teacher typically starts a lesson that lasts about a half hour.  Then the kids are broken up into smaller groups that will work on other things for another half hour or so.  This will go on throughout the day with some segments being only 15 minutes long.  Included in there will be recess, sensory time, therapy time, lunch, another snack and then PE.  It sounds like so much to do until you hit practicality.

Even in the most efficient classroom my son was in, there was a lot of wasted time as kids moved from activity to activity.  A half hour scheduled typically became 20 minutes in practice.  And even less if one or more of the kids were having a bad day.  While the teachers would try to make sure that the kids got one on one time with them it normally ended up only being about 15 minutes a day.  And maybe another 15 minutes of one on one time with an aide.  I can't even count how many times doing an activity ended up completely dropped and the focus shifted to keeping the calm when a child (or two) began acting out.  Or how many times a day ended up improvised because the teacher got pulled out for meetings and things went sideways.  But honestly the worst was when there were time constraints, so the kids got "helped" to finish an activity.

My son typically spent time with an aide who was also helping at least two other kids.  Since he was typically calm he didn't get the focus of their attention because they were expending energy trying to get the other kids on task.  But calm didn't mean my son was on task, just that he wasn't causing as many problems.

Now, please understand, I don't blame the teachers or aides for this.  They are overworked.  They have a classroom full of children who need one on one teaching and not enough adults to provide it.  They try the best they can with the tools they have.  They are torn between parents who want their child to do well and administrators who want it done for as cheaply as possible.  And in some states by BOEs that have "guidelines" that the teachers are evaluated on that have nothing to do with what a child actually needs.

But yes, you can do what the school can.  You can do it at home.  And you can do it better.  And honestly, I have a longer school day with my son but it's filled with energy and sensory breaks that let him concentrate better on the hard parts.  You can design the school day however works best for your and your child which means if reading works better in the morning and math at night then that's when you do them.

What is even better than all of that is that most likely you can do it, and do it better, while lowering both your stress levels and those of your child.  I've got to say that one thing I really don't miss is the continual meetings (fights) to get services for my son.  Now there are no fights.  If I want it done, I do it.

Tomorrow I'll go over how I determined my son's actual skill levels and some issues we ran into during the first few months.  And how we overcame them. 

Schedules

I'm about to say something that most of the autism world will consider sacrilege.

You don't need rigid schedules.  Okay, not all of our children are the same so there may be some who need rigid schedules.  But before you allow all the experts force you into such a thing, learn and watch your child.

Yup.  The only rigid schedule in my house is bedtime.  Well, that and lunch time.  But lunch time was set by 7 years of school and my son's body.  I follow that schedule for those reasons, not because his mind needs it.  Bedtime is set in concrete in order to help my son do what he needs so that he's ready to go to sleep.  There are specific things I say at different times that let him know that bedtime is coming.  He knows the words.  His reactions let me know if this is going to be a hard night or an easy night.  Most nights are easy.  (And please don't let that jinx us.)  The reason this is a hard line is because my son is super hyper most of the time and needs help remembering that he needs to settle down for the night.  Each child is different.

If you think about it, you know exactly what I'm saying.  Rigid schedules work in a school environment where teachers are making a lot of rapid changes.  And honestly, they aren't needed there.  What is need is clear communication. 

That's all.  Clear communication.  That's what those strips of PECS pictures actually provide once a child knows what the picture stands for.  Until then those strips of pictures are pretty worthless, unless you are actively teaching your child what those symbols stand for. 

When my Munchkin was a toddler we, and his teachers, took efforts to make sure that he didn't "lock" himself into a schedule.  This was done by varying his activities, when they were done, and how they were done.  Instead my son learned to adapt with a few tools to aide him.  In later years he had a teacher that obsessed on the schedule issue which resulted in a lot of adaptation issues for my son.  It affected every single area of his life and was causing him to have severe rigidity issues.  I was not happy.

Any of our children can be taught to adapt but it will take time and effort on the part of everyone in the child's life.  The longer they've been kept to a rigid schedule, the longer it may take to break the pattern.  Maybe.  Some children adapt really quickly.  Remember our children are trapped, not stupid.

Now that doesn't mean that my son is completely free of the autism "rigidity" when it comes to changes.  He needs to sit at the same seat when at home for meals.  He claims specific things as his whether they are or not.  He claims the entire back seat of the van as his and won't sit anywhere else without massive fights.  And he isn't too keen on sharing the back seat when necessary, even if he likes you.  Sometimes, he has problems with new environments.  But honestly, now that I've spent more time around "typical" kids, I can see that they have these issues as well.

But he doesn't require schedules.  Instead, I clearly communicate what we are going to do before we go to do it.  For example, if we are running errands for the day I tell him what stores we are going to.  All of them.  And then I verbally remind him of what we have left when we finish each store.  If you aren't sure about your child's receptive language skills, you can use pictures for this.  We did until my son more than proved that he understood.

If there is a new experience, I clearly tell him that we are going somewhere new and that I think he will like it.  Or if it may have issues, I tell him what the issues may be and what things I have with us to help him overcome them, if he wants to.  There are successes and failures.  One of our most recent failures meant I had to make sure he knew, every time we pulled in the parking lot at Aldi, that we weren't going to Shakalaka.  Now I don't have to say it, but I'm not sure I'm allowed into the thrift store next door again yet. :-)

But our days aren't scheduled from minute to minute, hour to hour.

When it's time to work on school things, I tell him that we are working on them.  We work until I can see that he's no longer able to process new material on that subject.  Then we take a break.  I change up subjects and how they are taught to keep him from getting bored.  We use a whole variety of materials.

But underneath it all, I make sure to clearly, simply communicate what is happening. 

There are reasons that schedules work.  But the core of the reasons is that they communicate.  They communicate hard things, they communicate easy things, they communicate comforting things.  But if used rigidly without a thorough understanding that their purpose is communication, they can lock our children in boxes that are very hard to break.  Those boxes make it very hard for our children to "fit in" and deal with the rest of the world.  And that isn't a help for them.

So before you set rigid schedules with your child, work on simple communication.  Any form of communication that works for you and your child, but communication.  Trust me, no matter how trapped they are, they are trying to find a way to communicate.

By Request - Don't Give Up!

It's been a really long time.  I honestly didn't think I was ever going to come back to this because "real" life has gotten so busy and hectic.

But a friend confronted me.  She asked me to restart this blog, even if it was only little tidbits here and there.  Apparently there aren't a lot of blogs about autism and homeschooling.  And, whether I realize all of it or not, I've been through a lot over the past decade or so that might help out some other families.  And, last but definitely not least, a lot of autism families are trying homeschooling and are scared.  So I will try.

So today's subject, because it was one she and I were discussing, is Don't Give Up.

My son is nonverbal.  He has been nonverbal since he regressed while a toddler.  It's made life interesting.  I was always good at reading body language and all of my skills (and then some) have been used to try to help my son.  But he resists using communication boards or devices.  Instead he invents his own ways of telling me what he needs occasionally falling back on the "scream my head off" method.

While he was attending school he had a few "words" that he would use frequently.  And another smattering that he would use rarely.  Every once in a rare while I would see signs that he was trying to communicate more.  When I pulled him out of school we spent 6 months or so figuring out where his actual skill level, in all things, was and letting him "destress".  Activities were designed to be fun (still are) and he was allowed all the time he needed to blow off steam between activities.  I also avoided environments that contained his headache triggers as much as possible.  Which meant we only did grocery shopping once a month and didn't stay in any store more than 30 minutes with at least 15 minutes between stores.  I've actually learned now to just sit and wait in the van.  It's rarely even 5 minutes before he's pushing me to get out and get moving.  Such big changes.

Anyways, back on track, his rare words started to become daily words.  And they are much clearer and defined.  And then the rare bursts became new words and two word sentences.  Then two word sentences became much more normal and the rare bursts became new words and three word sentences.  Almost always, the new words fade and only pop back occasionally.  But the rest stays over time.

He now understands the concept behind conversing and applies it with all the words at his disposal.  And his body language.  My Munchkin can definitely dish out some sass when he's in the mood.

So why "Don't Give Up"?  Because a few days ago a blog came across my feed about a Mom fighting to get her child to speak.  All of the experts that she dealt with told her that if it didn't happen within a specific time frame, it wasn't going to happen.  And she was stressed about it.  I found it depressing because we are way out of the listed time frames.  So I just accepted that it was what it was and kept moving on.  I figured that, over time, I would find a way to get Munchkin to use a communication device.

I'm not going to give you the time frames that were listed though.  Because my loving, puckish Munchkin just completely blew them out of the water.  For the first time in his life he said a complete, appropriate, fully enunciated sentence.  5 words.  One contraction.  It once again proved that while he can't always get the words from his brain to his mouth, he thinks in completely appropriate expressive language.

Don't let the "experts" define what your child can, or can't do, because I promise you: Each of our kids are separate individuals.  They will come into their own, in their time, not ours, not the experts'.  My son has the body of a teenager and the mind/soul of a 5 year old.  Actually it may be further along but we don't have the communication tools yet to bridge the gap.  Have faith in them, show them ways while watching for the ways that they create.  Whatever you do, don't give up.  If you won't stand by them, no one else will.

End of this School Year, Looking Forward

It's actually not the end of year for us but I won't be covering as many subject through summer.

Munchkin has done okay.  In letters, reading, and math he's still way behind. He didn't get as far as I had hoped to this year.  Even with a customized curriculum there seem to be some base issues that he's still having trouble with.  So we will just continue on step by step to get him further.  I will keep looking to see if something can help him make the connections that he needs.

In health, life skills, and communication he has exploded.  The changes in Munchkin's behaviors and skills in these areas have been astounding, although some of them only started in the last few months.

In health, he is finally getting a grasp of why certain things are an issue.  He's learning to keep his clothes clean, or if there is an accident, to change to clean clothes promptly.  He is now cleaning himself first in the shower before he then uses the bar of soap to play with.  And the frequency of wetting accidents, both daytime and nighttime, has decreased drastically.

In life skills he's learned to get his own drinks, and sometimes food.  He's figured out how to pour himself a drink, with both the cup and jug in his hands.  He's learned to get towels and clean up his own spills.  Well, try to clean them up.  He's learned to keep track of his glasses although he occasionally still loses them.  And he's still working on learning to look in the non normal places to see if he left them there.  There are so many other basic life skills that Munchkin has learned.  And we are still working on him learning to mix the ice tea in the jug.  It can be interesting sometimes.

Then we have communication.  Munchkin's communication skills have exploded at home.  He is having conversations with the words he has.  He is trying new words out.  And the true surprise occurred a week ago when he actually said a "fuzzy" sentence in front of other people.  The words weren't enunciated very well but they were clear enough that the two other people with us understood what he said.  I was ready to dance.  He had used more than his word "quiet" in front of others.  He had said a whole sentence in front of other people!!!  (BTW, the sentence was "I know that.")

We are already looking at next year's options for Munchkin.  He will continue in home school.  I'm already looking at the materials for teaching him.  But we are also going to add going to co-op classes back into our schedule.  I've found, over the last year, that even just the interaction with other "normal" peers did Munchkin a lot of good.  When he's seen the other kids throughout the year, he's been trying very hard to figure out how to break through his communication barrier with them.  He's reached a point where he wants to interact not just observe.

The co-op has a new teacher this year that is a retired special education instructor that has kept her certifications up.  Now that's important, not because of the certifications, but because she is used to working with kids that have difficulties like Munchkin does.  She already has the knowledge to adjust the materials to Munchkin's skill level while still involving him with the rest of the class.  We went to the open house and got time to speak with her about her classes.  She was very up front about which ones she thought would work for Munchkin and why/why not.  I agreed with her assessments based on the class information that she had available.  So Munchkin will be taking two of her classes.  I will most likely register him for one additional class as well.  That will allow him to take his classes and have a break in between to unwind.  There are quite a few other classes that he can participate in so I will have to debate them a bit.

All in all, Munchkin is doing good.  We are going to continue to work on the three Rs as well as the other skills.  Through the summer we will be having fewer classes but we aren't dropping them.  There's no need to have him lose skills to a long summer break.  But we will also be adding something fun.  Munchkin likes drumming on things so we are going to have drumming class.  I have a DVD to teach drumming that we will work through together.  We'll see how it goes.  Maybe next year I can work with him on basic piano skills.

Oops!

Okay, the other day I told you about the new job.  And the camera/monitor system that is helping me keep my sanity.

It turns out that there was something I didn't know.  I thought Dad had found the camera system because, well, he's into security systems and stuff.  I knew Mom was part of the motivation because she had pointed out how worrisome it was to keep track of Munchkin when she had to do things on the other side of the house.  (Yup, it can definitely be an adventure if he gets into mischief mode.)  While there was a baby monitor, it's not always easy to tell if he's awake or just tossing and turning.  And I have to say that putting a camera in that room to keep an eye on him is fabulous. 

What I didn't know was that Mom was the one who found the battery powered camera/monitor system!  So the fact that I haven't completely lost my marbles worrying about Munchkin over the past couple of months is do to Mom.  And she'd probably laugh and say that it's a good thing because I have so few marbles left.

So Thank you, Mom!  Because you're right, I have very few marbles left to lose.

Love you.

Oh, and apparently the Munchkin is in a growth spurt again.  I think he may actually get taller than me soon.  0_o

Changes!

There have been some big changes in our lives the past few months, and they've been keeping us very busy.

Now it is a common misconception that all folks with autism can't handle changes.  To some degree that is true.  Not all folks with autism need rigid schedules though.  Munchkin has problems with large life changes, completely new things/places, or high stress levels.  He has no issues with randomness within those parameters though. 

I think I've said this about him before, but just in case I haven't - he doesn't need a firm school schedule.  He knows that we will cover certain subjects throughout the day.  The time that we work on those subjects flexes though.  A lot of the time the flexing is focused around his need to take breaks and deal with overload.

Anyways, these changes are big life changes.  Yet Munchkin adapted to them with amazing ease.

I now have a job delivering newspapers.  There was a lot of planning and prepping in order for me to be able to do this job with Munchkin.  For a month or so, Munchkin spent the nights with his grandparents while I learned the route and got some things to keep him safe when he's with me.  One of those things is a battery powered monitor and camera so that I can see him and the van if I'm not right there.  We can even talk through it.  That was actually an amazing find and gift from my Dad.  I had been looking and couldn't find anything.  He found it and ordered it.

It was interesting when Munchkin first went with me during the day.  He was immensely curious but settled down once he figured out exactly where the bathrooms were.  He has his own camp chair to use and loves that he's allowed to use my totes as drums while he's there.  He spreads them out until it looks like he's surrounded by a drum set.  Then he stacks them in different amounts.  He also always has his movies.  All in all, he's happy with it.  He notices when other folks come in and makes eye contact with them.  He really notices when other kids come in.  He follows them with his eyes as far as he can.  He is definitely not locked into his own little world.  It only took two visits for him to firmly decide that it was a safe place and there was nothing for him to be scared about. 

Then came the first night that he rode along as I ran the route.  There were backup plans for the backup plans for the backup plans to make sure that I could handle anything that came up and keep him safe.  And I've had to use some of the backups occasionally.  But only a few times.  For the most part he's just jumped right in.  He has even tried to help me roll some of the papers on random occasions.  It makes me smile because he wants to be involved.  He's interested in working with, rather than alongside or just observing.  Those are some big changes for him.

For him, going out at night was an amazing exploration for the first few weeks.  He discovered stars and the moon.  He would lay across his bench seat, looking up and out the window at everything while I drove.  So we did some simple lessons on stars and the moon.  We also got to add some lessons about days of the week so that he could understand what days we would be going out on.  Since it had an active correlation to his life, he got a much better grasp of it this time.

He's got two special pillow and blankets that are just for the van.  Once he got used to the moon and stars and nighttime, he started sleeping through most of the route.  Although he occasionally wakes up to watch the world and then goes back to sleep.

Honestly, I was worried about whether it was affecting his sleep but he showed absolutely no signs of being sleepy during the day.  And he still wanted to stay up as late as he could possibly could.  The only thing he likes about a firm bedtime now is that Mommy goes to bed at the same time.  There were no behavior issues.  Nothing.  It was amazing and I kept waiting to see what would happen.

Then something did happen.  His "e,e,e,e" chants changed to chants of the common words that he uses.  Just all strung together and sung out.  Then new words started popping in and out.  Then he started having conversations with me.  Yeah, they are simple conversations using the words he has, and the occasional surprise word, but they are an active give and take of conversation.  Sometimes he stops and I can see him thinking, and his mouth moves like he's trying to say something.  He's fighting to say what he wants.  And that incredible sass is definitely getting verbalized!

I was honestly amazed and so incredibly proud of him.  I still am.

Then life threw a curve ball and my van started having engine trouble.  So in order to keep from doing more damage, I hired subs to run the route for a week while the shop tried to figure out what was wrong.  (It's big and expensive.  And if you want to help there is a gofundme and a tshirt drive to try to raise money for it.  Just drop me a message and I'll send you the links.  Prayers are just as appreciated.)

Suddenly the conversations disappeared.  When I prompted Munchkin to use words, I got few words and they were all the ones he's been using for a while.  And he wasn't trying anymore.  If he didn't have a word, he'd just use kisses or pushes.  That's when I realized that something was happening that I truly have no clue about.

On this past Sunday, we borrowed a vehicle and ran the route again.  I was almost laughing by the time I got to the drop.  When I got him up to go, he was ready to go.  When I took a few extra minutes, he came, plugged himself in to me, and pulled me to the front door to go.  Halfway down to the drop, I hear a "yippee" come out of the backseat!  I thought he was asleep!  (And when did he start using that word?!)  By the time we got to the drop he was sound asleep, curled under his blankets with a big grin on his face.  He didn't wake up even once throughout the whole route until we got home.  Then he was wide awake and taking on the world.  I got no extra sleep that morning.

On Monday he was talking again.  New words, conversations, everything.  I don't know the why, wherefore, whatever on this.  And I'm hoping to figure it out.  No I am going to figure it out.  Our best guess, at the moment, is that the motion of the vehicle and the road noise are helping him to sleep more soundly.  There's also the security of knowing that Mommy is right there.  Any time he opens his eyes, or listens, he can see or hear me.

There have also been other changes.  He's paying attention to his body odor.  He's paying more attention to whether his clothes are clean or not.  He's not spending hours in the shower, and he will initiate taking a shower all on his own.  Basically he's responding the the basic hygiene lessons/conversations that we've been having for years.  It's not perfect by any means.  But it's definitely a start.

Regardless, until we figure it out, and figure out how to duplicate the effects at home, I guess I'm running a newspaper route.  (Well, once the van is fixed.)  The money is okay, but the real payment is the amazing changes in my son.  For that, I'll do anything.  Even drive around for hours at night doing nothing just so he can rest.

Defining Good

"Be good."  It's a statement that is heard in my family all of the time.  Each of us hears it from my parents depending on what we are up to.  I tend to hear it most when headed into social situations with folks who I'd prefer not to spend time with.  Each of us instinctively knows exactly what is being said by those two words.  The whole kit and caboodle of rules, dos, and do nots that are encompassed by those two words.  Even my nephews know the meaning of those two words within the scopes of their lives.

Munchkin doesn't.  He knows the phrase.  He knows that being good means that he doesn't get in trouble.  He knows that being good gets him rewards.  But he has problems understanding what "be good" means.  He doesn't get the broader rules that those two words encompass.  That would be because most children pick up those rules as they grow through toddler hood.    They learn what behaviors got rewards and which ones got punishments.  They learn that rewarded behaviors fall into the "be good" category and punished behaviors fall into the "be bad" category.  Eventually they learn why behaviors fall into those categories and learn to make their own judgements.

Munchkin was lost in his own world during his toddler years.  His mind was learning to deal with the sensory issues and the life stuff that surrounded him.  He didn't really learn good/bad in behaviors.  He just learned to do what he was told when he could break out of his world.

Now Munchkin spends most of his time as part of the real world and occasionally slips back into that world that his brain/body issues can trap him in.  This was already happening when he was in school.  And the side effect was that he would learn different behaviors from observing what his peers did.  He didn't understand good/bad, he just knew that they did it.  And sometimes he would try it.  Sometimes those behaviors hurt so he didn't do it again.  Sometimes those behaviors got him attention and he found the attention was worth more than the punishment or pain. 

Then we started homeschooling.  He got to see what Mommy did all day.  He got to spend a lot of time with typically developing kids.  He got to see real life, not the microcosm of his school classroom.

A lot of negative behaviors disappeared but not all of them.

And through this all, somehow I missed that he truly didn't understand the concept of being good beyond a very very small clue.  Then one day, he was looking me in the eye when I said "be good."  In that split second of time, I saw the confusion flash across his eyes and face.  And I stopped.  He had been "being bad" in the middle of a store.  I realized that somewhere, sometime he had not learned a connection.  So I stopped.  I took a deep breath.  And I started over.  I gave a very specific statement regarding his behavior at that moment.  And he obeyed, although with some reluctance.  :-)

When I got home I did some deep thinking and instituted a new way of doing things.  Before we left the house to do something, I would go over the simple, short list of "being good".  And I would then make sure that he connected "being good" with that list of behaviors.  I also did the same thing for behaviors around the house.  Running in the house was "being bad".  Walking in the house was "being good".  I made sure to make those connections for him.  After a few months of this I no longer had to list the behaviors.  He understands a basic list of "being good" behaviors.  He understands a basic list of "being bad".  That doesn't mean that he always listens, just that he knows.

Those lists are by no means exhausted.  He has become curious about the world around him.  He will imitate what he has seen other people do.  If the action makes people around him smile or laugh, I can guarantee he will do it again.  Sometimes, I have to tell him something is "bad" even if folks laugh.  Like a toddler, those things confuse him.  If he imitates something good, he finds himself getting extra smiles and hugs from Mom.  And occasionally a friend.  He loves that.

But he is my Munchkin and my Mischief.  Some days, when his senses are overloaded, I have to remember to be very calm and very specific.  On those days, knowing it and being able to do it are not in sync for him.  On other days, he will be just like any other child and decided that he doesn't care about "being good" for whatever reason.  But much more frequently, I just have to look at him and say "be good" when he's skirting the edge and he'll look at me, smile, and redirect himself. 

Every once in a while, I'll look at him and see him debating something.  And without me saying or doing a thing, he will stop himself.  In those moments, I see him learning the "why".  Right now it may just be that he knows that it will make Mommy upset.  Or, in some cases, he's come to understand that he might get hurt.  But it's the very beginning edge of learning to make his own judgements and decisions.  And I'm keeping an eye on it.  He's reaching that stage where I might be able to help him make those connections that he'll need to be more independent in a safe and responsible manner.

My Munchkin is growing up.

Definitely Mischief

Lest you think that my son accepted the wheelbarrow saga completely, let me tell you - he didn't.  He just waited until I was in another room and then helped himself to the dish soap which he proceeded to take outside.  He then covered himself and his table in dish soap and had a grand old time.

Dish soap is one of the good/bad conflicts that we have.  When he was much younger his therapists used dish soap and lotions to get him over one of his sensory issues.  He was allowed to play in it.  When he was a little older, they would occasionally allow it at school.  Later he was introduced to bubbles.  Well, he knew where bubbles came from, and he loves them. 

So it falls into the category of a behavior that I can't really discipline him for because for so many years so many people told him not only to do it, but they cheered him on!

And do I need to describe the results when they started teaching him life skills and how to wash a table.  He discovered really quickly how to wet a washcloth and just how many bubbles he could make.  Yet at school he was getting praise for wiping things down with cloths!  There was a failure to communicate the whys, wheres, hows and whens.

So my washcloths are still in hiding.  That may never change but we will see.

But back to dish soap.  Our compromise there has been that he doesn't get into trouble if he plays with the dish soap outside.  Although he is very aware that Mommy doesn't like it.  And for my half, I try to make sure not to leave the dish soap anywhere that he can find.  But when we've had a good long period, I forget.  And I had forgotten today.  So when I looked out the back door to see just what he was up to, I caught sight of the bottle of dish soap being poured out over his table.

Sigh.  I stepped out the door and told him to bring it to me.  Which he did, although slowly and reluctantly.  Because that is our other compromise.  When I catch him with it, he must immediately stop pouring it out and bring it back to me.

And as I turned to go rinse it off and put it up, I caught the sly mischief grin that graced my son's face and said it all.  "Got you back, ma!"

Wheelbarrows and Being Good

Munchkin is becoming more and more determined to be independent.  He comes by the desire honestly.  My family is full of strong independent thinkers and doers.  And it is providing so many incredibly opportunities for teaching him.

It's also providing some amazing arguments as I try to teach him that there are things he cannot do because of the dangers.  One of our longest running arguments this year has been clothing.   There was a short burst when summer began and he didn't want to wear shorts.  We compromised and peace was achieved.  There has been another burst as the cold weather hit.  I think, in the last few days, we've managed to reach another compromise.  He will wear shirts when asked and he gets to pick the shirt.  And he must wear fleece bottoms when he goes out back to play.  For his part, he gets to wear his fuzzy socks whenever he wants to, including when we go out.  He has realized that fuzzy socks and warm slippers are good things when outside in cool weather playing and sneakers are mandatory when we leave the house.

But he just has to try to get around the rules or compromises.  And sometimes it's really hard to be "mean" mom and not to burst out laughing at the same time.  But if I start laughing he will keep doing it.  Oh yes, my child has learned to use amusement, hugs, kisses, tickles and snuggles to try to get his way.  And I've had to learn to present a neutral or firm reaction no matter how amused I am.

Today we had an argument over the wheelbarrow.  He wanted it on the trampoline.  I didn't.  He thought that this was something he could get around.  He couldn't.  It's a risk to him, it's not happening.  So we ended up in the house on a time out, without his table, which triggered whole new levels of tantrum.  And yes, it was tantrum not meltdown.  After he took about an hour to realize that I wasn't going to change my mind, and no amount of antics was going to help him, he finally reached a stage where he would listen and respond.  Well, he would listen and respond after he truly realized that no amount of snuggling, kissing, tickling, etc. was going to manipulate Mommy.  The moment that he was truly ready to hear me was when he looked at me and said "I bad."  He didn't ask, he stated.  So I explained why for him.

(No lectures on the child being bad vs. the action being bad.  I know the difference.  I tell him the difference on a regular basis.  He does not have the language skills yet to state it any other way.)

The trick here for me is to put the rules, and explanations, in a really simple form that he can understand.  And "because I said so" does not work in any way, shape, or form anymore.  So in short brief sentences, I explained that the wheel barrow could tear the trampoline.  And if the trampoline tore he could be hurt when he fell through. Yes, I completely left out the information of the trampoline then being gone for good and he wouldn't have it.  That was too much for this session.

Then we hit the truly tricky part.  I told Munchkin that he needed to be good.  And I defined "good" as not putting the wheelbarrow on the trampoline.  I then told him that he could only go outside if he would be good.  And I asked him if he would be good.

Oh my ,the avoidance that came up then.  He wouldn't look me in the eyes.  He tried to cuddle more.  He tried kisses.  Each time I would stop him, make him look at me, and ask him again "Will you be good?".  Now realize that for him, right now, if he tells me he will be good he will try very hard to do so.  And he so didn't want to be good in this instance.  At one point he looked at me and said "no".  And I told him "then you can't go back outside" and walked away.  He promptly came and grabbed me and pulled me back.  After another few minutes of hemming and hawing, he said "yeah".  I promptly told him "okay you can go outside" and pointed to the back door.  It took him about a minute to decide that I really meant it and head out the back door.

I followed.  I know my son.  He was ecstatic that he had his table back.  And it took about 5 minutes for him to remember the wheelbarrow.  He came back to it slowly, pretending that he was just going in the house.  And he got slower and slower as he walked past it.  Then he stopped and a hand reached out.  And then Mommy's voice spoke his name and reminded him that he was being good.  He looked at Mommy, looked at the wheelbarrow and walked back to play in the treehouse without anymore prompting.  And Mommy moved the wheelbarrow to a spot where it's not hidden, but not readily visible, so that he will have to think about being bad in order to go get it.  So far, he is being good.

And then I came in and had a bittersweet moment.  Yes, this is something toddler's learn but he hadn't learned it at that age.  He's learning it now.  And my little boy is growing up just a little more.

Observing

I discovered something about Munchkin a few months ago.  He didn't have a vocabulary for the things he observes in the world around him.  Words like squishy, crinkly, hot, cold, soft, hard, shiny, etc. didn't have a mental connection with the real world physical examples of those things.

Now, this is not because folks haven't tried to teach him.  They have.  But over time, apparently, they gave up.  So it wasn't really part of his lessons.  I can't say that I didn't give up as well.  I didn't do it consciously but as he got bigger and outgrew toddler stuff, those things faded as well.  Mainly because it is something that typical kids learn as toddlers.  Now that I'm trying to do science with him, this lack was glaringly apparent.

When I was reviewing science curriculum, one of the authors had a section in her foreword that told parents not to expect too much from their toddler children.  Most of the experiments in the book were to teach them what they were observing so that they could use that knowledge as they got older.  Young kids don't have the skills to predict things that they have yet to observe in some way, shape or form.

So I paired that with the knowledge that Munchkin hadn't learned the vocabulary to describe his observations.  This year we are focusing on observing, and learning the words for what we observe.  Sometimes it's in the house, other times it's outside.  Sometimes it's the grocery store, other times it's the Botanical Gardens.  Sometimes it's a planned "experiment", other times it's whatever we find.

Science this year is to teach Munchkin to "listen and hear" what his different senses are telling his brain and what words to associate with those signals.  It's not easy.  And often we can only do one sense at a time.  For example, he can't "see" how shiny something is and "feel" how hard it is.  The switch between inputs to focus on is too distracting for him.  So I pick one or the other to focus on at the time.  If we are feeling things, then we focus on feeling things.  If we are seeing things, then we focus on seeing things.  Same for smell and taste.

I'll be honest.  I'm frequently not sure if he makes the connection because he is nonverbal.  While we have his communicator with us, right now it adds a level of difficulty that breaks his focus.  I do know that on good days, we can review whatever we have been doing and he will get things right about 80% of the time.  On a bad day, he's too overload to review anything.  And while he loves viewing the videos of himself doing different things, he doesn't show any signs of making those connections when viewing the video.  That may be because of the pure distraction of watching himself on video.

What I do know, thanks to other events, is that he is indeed learning to observe the world around him.  Or perhaps I should say, the people around him.

We will keep working on it.  With all the other things he's shown, I'm sure the knowledge is getting in there.  One day, when I least expect it, he will prove it to me.

Incidental Learning

Munchkin has been doing a lot of incidental learning the last few months.  Or I should probably say years.  But it's really showing the last few months.

One of the big things he's discovered is how others feel, and the desire to do something about it.  For him that is a massive step.  The example I'll use is the one that made me "open my eyes" to what was happening.

I was having a rough day because I had a headache.  Munchkin wanted to pounce me and had followed me to the kitchen to do so.  I stopped him by putting my hand out and saying "No.  I have a headache."  I've taken to adding explanations to my statements because I realized that Munchkin understood some of them.  What he did next truly stunned me.  He promptly turned around and went throughout the house turning off all the lights.  Every. Single. Light.  Then he came and gave me a hug and went back to the living room to watch his movie.

Now, the lights weren't the headache trigger for me.  But they are a headache trigger for him.  And if you have a child with autism you know what big leaps he showed in those actions.  And  I talked with him a little bit later about what he could do to help mommy with her headache.  I supposed that I really shouldn't be amazed that he heard (and processed) what I said and tried to do it.  But I am.  He tried to be quiet for the rest of the night.  And when he'd get noisy, he'd stop himself after a few minutes, look at me and say "quiet" in his quiet voice and go back to being quiet.  He got so many extra hugs for the trying.

I don't know how often that knowledge will connect for him but so far it's connected rather frequently.  He has tried to help calm a crying baby that he knows.  He has given hugs when someone seems upset.  He is making connections to those around him.  And even more importantly, he is coming to comprehend that others feel differently than he does.

Now that was incidental learning that I had very little to do with.  Munchkin learned that all on his own.  But recently we had a situation which is helping me to teach him about the weather.  And teach him in a manner that he truly understands what he is learning.

One day he was upset and crying in his room on the floor.  Not a tantrum or a meltdown, just an I'm upset/hurt type of crying.  Since he had done this the day before as well, and I hadn't been able to figure out the cause, I stopped what I was doing immediately and just went and sat down in his room.  I waited for him to acknowledge that I was there and give me signs that he wanted to communicate.  When he did I asked him a few yes/no questions. 

It really helps that yes/no are pretty solid (in one form or another) nowadays.  When he is upset he will use the words.  Within a few minutes I had discovered that he wanted to go outside to play and thought he couldn't.  He hadn't been able to play outside when he wanted over the last few days because the weather had either been too cold or rainy.  He really wanted to play outside.  Playing outside is his way of burning off excess energy and frustration.  Anyways, I told him that he could go outside and got the "really" look.  So I took the time to explain "weather" to him. 

I explain "weather" regularly if I tell him he can't go outside  But apparently this was just the perfect situation for it to truly sink in and for him to be interested in learning more.  So we went outside and I explained more.  I kept it toddler simple for now and he seemed to really be hearing what I was saying and processing it.  So, since the door is open, I will keep reviewing the basics whenever we go outside.  And when he's gotten a good grasp on that, I'll see about adding in lessons on the appropriate clothes for different types of weather.

I think that the science lessons on observing things are helping in both these things.  While I've been focusing on teaching him to pay attention to how things feel/taste/smell/look, he's been using that for more than his lessons.  Which I find interesting because I wasn't sure that he was getting much out of those lessons.  Apparently he is, he just isn't showing it in the lessons.  I really don't know why that surprises me anymore.

Well I'm off to see what other things he can learn while not letting me know that he's learning them.  It will be interesting to see what happens in the future.

Road Bump Amended

Just a quick note.  We are adding/changing one thing in regards to listening to words for the starting sound.  For the first week that we add each new sound I will find words that are identical phonetically except for the first sound.  Hopefully this will help focus Munchkin's attention on exactly what he is supposed to be listening for. 

This actually is not as easy to do as it sounds because I'm not used to creating words lists, but with help and the internet we got 30 words for the first set.  Well actually 60 words, 30 word sets.  And now I've got a few word list sites bookmarked to make it easier in the future.

So in addition to his basic phonics work learning new letters, each day he'll have a few sessions that teach him to listen for the individual sounds and sort them out.  One section will have him matching pictures to the letters.  The other section will have him matching the first letters to the words.  And we will still work on pointing out the letters, and sounding them out, when we find them in public places.  This is one of the exercises we do when we are in stores.  It's harder for him than most people realize because he is having to focus to find that one letter in the midst of all the other stimuli at the store and on the packages.

And we all got a laugh the other day when he looked at me and said "Say Mmm".  That was purely Munchkin sass.  When we are working on saying letters I don't preface it by using the word "say" since I was warned against that by a speech therapist years ago.  Not that I'm perfect, because I'm not.  But the grin and tone of his voice were pure sass.  And I still cheered.  He had said "mmm" independently and without prompting.  :-)

Road Bump

Munchkin has been doing fabulous in his phonics studies and decent in math.  The video segments have definitely helped him.  The most surprising area in which they have helped is handwriting.  For whatever reason, seeing someone write the letters in a video gets through better than watching me write the letters.  He is getting much better at the fine motor skills that he needs for handwriting.

We are finally through enough of the beginning phonics letters that I started a new type of phonics exercise.  Munchkin must sort a set of pictures based on the first sound of the word.  I say the word and then he has to put the card with the correct letter.  Then a following exercise has him give me the letter that he hears at the beginning of the word that I say. 

Well, we've hit a road bump.  From Munchkin's reaction it appears that he has not done this type of activity in the past - at all.  Most of the exercises I do with him, he has done at some point in the past in some way, so there isn't a lot of confusion over instructions.  He was extremely confused over the instructions for these exercises.  I spent a few days reviewing the activity with him and "practicing" the first couple of words.  We are getting over that road bump because he really does pick up on instructions quickly.  Especially when explained clearly and calmly.  And because he really wants to learn.  He has come to love it when he does something correctly, by himself, and gets praise for it.  His confidence has definitely grown over the last year or so. 

My frustration is that this is a big connection for him not to have made in the past.  It will teach him how to "build" spoken words as well as how to read.  And he is really wanting to talk.  He tries more and more.  So hopefully as he learns this he will be able to piece things together for speaking.

But we've hit a bigger road bump at the moment.  Munchkin can only listen to, and filter the sounds, for 2 or 3 words before his brain seems to find the task too difficult.  Then he gets very frustrated and falls back on the "look for other clues" behavior.  The only problem, for him, is that there are no longer any other clues.  Not even the body language cues he used to try to use.  So he gets really frustrated and upset because he hears "no, try again" much more frequently than he likes.

So the challenge, for me, was to create a way that we could continue to work on this problem without providing Munchkin with a way to cheat while keeping his frustration level low so that he doesn't "shut down".  After discussing this with several folks, including one who specializes in early education, I have a plan. 

Step one is that rather than doing ten words in one session, I will break it down into three sessions doing three words each.  When that becomes easier for him to handle, I will do more words and fewer sessions until we work our way back to one session.  And once we are back to one session, we will work on more words per session.

Step two is to find a lot of pictures.  A whole lot of pictures.  The reason for this is that over time my son is capable of memorizing which pictures go into which piles and vice versa.  That would result in him blocking the purpose for the exercise, which is to learn to listen to the verbal words and filter the sounds.  So I started with one letter and made lots of little 1" x 1" pictures of real life objects.  In total, it's about 10 or so words for each letter but there are 5 or more pictures for each word.  These will be used for one worksheet exercise where he creates a wheel with the words for each letter.  So he'll do a wheel for each letter every day, hence the need for so many pictures.  The second reason for so many pictures is to do the same thing with flash cards.  In this way, he shouldn't see the same image more than once in the course of a weeks lessons.  He will be forced to focus on the sound that goes with the image.

One of the side effects of so many images is that he will learn to associate multiple images to a word, rather than just one image.  And all the images I'm using are real life images, so they are things that he will see when we are out and about.  This should help him to start making even more connections between his lessons and the world around him.

Now I would love to share the picture collections with you but I don't have that right.  I can suggest that you spend the time doing this if you are dealing with this situation.  For me it has been the work of quite a few hours but I find it worth the effort.  For a teacher, these collections would only have to be built once to last quite a few years.

And on to the last step, which is to make a collection of words that I can say to him that do not have the other letters we are working on in them.  Since he is having issues filtering the sounds, for right now we want to make it as easy as possible for him to filter the correct sound.  When he's back to a once a day session, we'll see about making it a bit harder by first making him listen for the last sound and then, later, using words that have multiple sounds.  It's going to be tricky for a bit but I'm sure that the group of us will manage to find enough single syllable words to keep it going while he works through this problem.

Honestly though, compared to some of the past issues we've dealt with, this one should be just a mild bump in the road.   Especially since Munchkin really, really wants to hear "Good Job" and the happiness in my voice when I say it.  I really don't know when that became a major motivator for him, but it has.  And, truly, his confidence in his own abilities has grown by leaps and bounds.

Video Phonics II

Just a quick update.  Munchkin is still loving the videos.  He gets very focused on them while they are on and they are making it easier for him to grasp the concepts.  We are working on "m" right now.  He's only verbalized the sound three times but he's doing well with the rest of it.  That he's verbalizing at all is a success in my book but I've got adaptive tools at hand for when it becomes a problem for him. But I really, really try to get him to verbalize the sound as much as possible when the videos are running.  That's when we've had the most success.  Most likely because he thinks it's a game.

At first he was really confused because the HaveFunTeaching video uses the same music for each letter.  Then he realized that he really had to listen!  And that video brought that point home for him.  It's been interesting to see that knowledge appear in his eyes and see the changes in his behavior.  Something clicked for him.  Despite years of people making the sounds for him and trying to get him to make them, the videos seem to be getting through.  And this video in particular seems to have helped him realize that he needs to process and pay attention to the "noise" that is coming in his ears.

I'm also using videos for numbers and handwriting that are working well.  He's especially fond of the handwriting videos and they seem to be breaking his resistance to handwriting.  I'll share more on both of those topics another time.

All in all, things are going good.  Munchkin really looks forward to lessons if just for the video section.